For today I invite us into a curiosity around the difference between the field of desire and the field of expectations. How does it feel to expect yourself to take care of yourself? How does it feel to desire to take care of yourself? How does the expectation for Self-Care differ from the desire to choose it? I wrote a blog a few years ago exploring my perspective at that time of the difference between expectation and desire. I'll post it below. Is it possible to get in touch with the desire for Self-Care and be liberated from the expectations of you regarding it?
Here's the blog post from July 2nd, 2016, exploring the difference between expectations and desires:
"An expectation is something that is placed on you, either by yourself or someone else. It has a quality of pushing or being pushed. Someone can expect something of you. It's a standard that's imposed that you can be motivated to achieve or meet. Typically there are consequences attached to not meeting or living up to the expectation, some sort of punishment (something being taken away, withheld or kept from you, unless or until you meet the expectation). On the other side of the coin if you do meet the expectation there is some sort of reward, or acknowledgment or praise.
A desire is something that you can have for yourself, or someone can have for you. It has the quality of being pulled towards someone or something. It's something that emerges from you, often in response to contrast. When someone isn't being kind or loving, the desire is to have someone in your life who is kind and loving. There are two main types of desires, the desire to escape and the desire to express. The desire to escape is what you don't want to be, do, have, or experience. The desire to express is what you do want to be, do, have or experience. When we tune into what we desire to express that can call us into action. It's what is often called inspiration.
Most of us were brought up in an environment based in expectation. There were imposed standards that we were trying to live up to. If we lived up to the standard or expectation we were rewarded, loved, praised and appreciated. If we didn't live up to the standard or expectation we were shamed, made wrong, rejected or cast out of the group. This is based in control. It is designed to motivate people to behave good and do the right thing and prevent them from being bad and doing the wrong thing. The challenge with this structure is that it takes the place of the internal guidance system, in other words, if no one is there to impose the standard or expectation we don't know what to do. Some of us will end up sitting around waiting for someone or something to provide guidance and direction. This occurs most often if we have been conditioned to live up to expectations and have received sufficient love, attention and appreciation for performing well or succeeding. Others of us will be in a resistance and reaction pattern, rebelling against what someone else told us to do often by doing very opposite of what they want for us. This occurs if we more often did not meet or live up to other people's expectations and thus experienced disappointment, let down, rejection and lack of love, attention and appreciation. Ideally, for this particular model to work, we had to have internalized enough expectations (originally put on us by others) to keep ourselves motivated to push forward and reward or punish ourselves in whatever way we have been taught to do.
So the invitation here, if you're noticing that your motivation is waning or that placing expectations on yourself or having someone else put them on you isn't working to guide your life forward or push you in what is deemed to be the right direction, is to consider getting in touch with your desires. What do you desire to express? If you had total choice to guide and direct your life who would you chose to be? What would you choose to do? And what would you like to have in your life? Sometimes it can be easier to get in touch with what you desire to escape, or who you don't what to be, what you don't want to do and what you don't want to have in your life. That can be a starting place, which can then be translated into what you desire to express. As this awareness expands, the inspiration or call to action can show up, your internal guidance system can come online, and those feelings of joy, happiness, and appreciation for living can emerge. What if now is the time to live from this space and live your life in full expression! If you would like support or assistance with this process go to the contact me page and request a session. I would be happy to assist you to gain access to your desires, become reacquainted with your internal guidance system and act from inspiration."
For those who chose to engage with my inspired offerings for 12 Days of Self-Care, thank you! I wonder what can arise now, as a launching pad from this new moment of now.
Christine helps people to navigate transitions with love and wisdom. offering presence and care she can assist people to play an active role in their mental, emotional and physical health no matter what is going on in life. With all of the different tools, methods and wisdom she has access to, she inspires, encourages and makes it possible for people to really love and honor themselves, and thus be more able to love and honor others. Through her patience, kindness and astute awareness of the body, mind and heart she accelerates people's self-healing journeys and makes the inner and outer world a whole lot easier to navigate!