The fear-based learning classroom is the land of self-modification. It’s all about what you’re allowed to express and must reject to hopefully earn, deserve or be worthy of the rewards, and what you’re allowed to express and must reject to avoid the punishments. It gets even more complex than this! In addition to having to reject or hold back aspects of yourself and only expressing the aspects of yourself that are approved of, liked, desired or appreciated by those around you, there is also this concept of being “not good enough” or “too much.” Which means, what you inherently contain, even with this initial modification of partial expression and partial rejection, will not do! You have to become someone or something else entirely, someone or something different than that which you are. You must adopt traits, characteristics, or even entire belief systems from the people around you and then present those as “who you are,” and even then it may not be enough to guarantee rewards and prevent punishments! Some of us even went to the extent of rejecting the totality of our Self and becoming whatever the people in the environment needed or wanted us to be. In other words, we learned not to express our Self at all and only present to others what was internalized from them.
Living in this land of self-modification, under the conditions of partial or no self-expression, and partial or full self-rejection, at some point we can’t take it anymore! It’s like our very Being is screaming inside! It’s absolute torture to live this way. That which contains love, which is our very Being is so stifled or almost absent, that we feel starved, destitute, diminished and unfulfilled. We often oscillate between a deep longing to be who we are and express ourselves in the world and a deep hatred of the world or a hatred of other people for doing this to us, or an deep seated anger or rage at “that” which made us this way, whether “that” is internalized or externalized. Either I did this to myself (shame) or someone else did this to me or gave me no other choice then to do this (blame). Either way, we are trapped…Until we’re not. **And just as a side note, what is spoken here may or may not apply to you, so as you read I invite you to ponder the question of how you uniquely handled the “land of self-modification.” How did you cope? What was your strategy?
As I’ve been discussing in recent blogs, many of us have graduated or are graduating from fear-based learning and entering the love-based learning classroom. In this new space, love is. It’s a frequency that’s activated through your heart and body-mind via the presence of your Being. That which you are is here. And your Being, or that which is, ignites your heart and permeates your body-mind with this frequency of love and progressively transmutes carry-overs from fear-based learning. **And again, this is just an attempt to use language to describe what occurs that is beyond nameable, so use your own discernment to determine what resonates or is relevant for you. Either way, what I wanted to explore here is how given where we’ve been, there can be this tendency to enter the love based classroom and go “I am loved just as I am…I don’t have to change anything about me.” If you tune into this statement you may notice that it has the air of reaction to it. It’s actually an attempt to enact the opposite of self-modification, which would be no self-modification. That’s not actually what occurs in the love-based classroom. Instead, one way to put it is that we become reacquainted with this dance of Being and Becoming. In other words, we can fully acknowledge the presence of Being and receive fulfillment and nourishment in that field of love and then we can participate in life from that space or presence. That which we are becoming or showing up as in the world is always changing given the fluctuations in our body-minds and the nature of what’s on our hearts and the conditions of the world and the people in our lives.
We are consistently making adjustments in this play of becoming, or in this action of living, and what we be and do in the world. However, we are beyond self-modification in that the totality of Being is present, full, whole and radiant and unchanging, yet what we are becoming is every changing and thus inclusive of all sorts of modification and adaptation. The difference is that there is no self-rejection, just a participation in the play of expression from this ground of Being, or love-based foundation. In a sense, we have only just begun. This possibility is new to many, if not all of us. Thus the initiation of this new adventure and exploration, where our innocence and curiosity can be revived, and we have the energy to play and navigate life and living in a new way. What is truly possible now? A poem I wrote in 2011 is coming to mind, so I’ll include it here. I’ll also include a meditation I lead with a group of people online called Illuminating Brilliance, which can assist to unify your heart, body and mind through this presence of love. Enjoy! And, if you would like one-on-one support visit my session page. And, on Facebook you can visit my page Classes with Christine, and click on the events tab to see what I have coming up. Here is the poem and the meditation I mentioned...
Refreshed and renewed
Centered in love
Letting the light shine
Remembering what it means to truly connect
Breathing in to the space created
Settling, drawing the mind into the present moment
It is here that beauty can be seen, felt and known
It is here that the depth of our being can be accessed
From this inner place of stillness inspired thought arises
Curiosity is sparked, innocence revived
Action flows effortlessly, in tune with what the moment is calling for
One step at a time, evolving towards a fuller expression of Self
Spontaneous waves of joy replace those of doubt
Peace calms the storms of fear
Thank you, thank you, thank you
May the blessings be