What would it be like to value giving and receiving? Often we've been taught that it's better to give than to receive, and we've often spent time in environments where true receiving didn't actually exist. Many of us at one point or another decided that we have a hard time receiving. Something that's essential to ask in those moments is: Were they truly gifting? Many people have been conditioned to live according to the model of give and take. The way that reality works is people look at what they have to give to get what they want. If someone is offering something to you it's because they want something from you. It's based on exchange rates which is all about trying to balance the give and take to make it fair or even. If you take too much it's wrong and you're greedy. If you take a little and give a lot you may be seen as a good person or may be liked or appreciated by others, but that's primarily because you're giving and don't require anything from them so it's to their benefit.
At some point we outgrow the give and take model. We become tired of calculating whether we're good or not based on how much we're giving and how much we're taking. We desire to gift more and feel confined by people's refusal to receive because they think they'll have to do something for us later or feel pressured to return the favor with something of equal value to "balance it out." And we get tired of refusing to receive from others because we don't want to feel like we're taking something from them or that we'll end up being obligated or indebted to them or that somehow we've giving permission to be controlled by their needs, wants and demands of us that will be revealed at some point in the future. We become tired of checks and balances and just want to contribute, to be the gift, to express, and to receive the gifts and expressions of others, so that we all get to benefit and become greater. We desire to offer our gifts, talents and abilities for the benefit of all, and enjoy other people offering theirs. We wonder what it would be like to have desires fulfilled and needs met, and to get to fulfill desires and meet needs with ease and joy.
Are you ready to free yourself from the structure of give and take? Are you ready to free your mind from being caught in calculations or trying to keep people away from you so that you won't end up being obligated, indebted or controlled by them? What would it be like to get to give and receive for the fun and joy of it? When you are feeling exuberant and have lots to offer you get to be that and people can be there to receive and enjoy that, and when others are exuberant and desire to offer something or gift we are there to receive and celebrate who and what they're being. What would that be like?
Now is the time to know what true contribution is. Contribution is the simultaneity of gifting and receiving, it's were we get to show up and be, rather than being confined or defined by exchange rates and having to protect ourselves from people who just want to take, or who only give to get what they want and think you're doing the same. Take a deep breath and imagine what it would be like to be free of that. Are you ready? Begin by asking to know what it's like to live from the energy, the space and the consciousness of contribution. Ask to know what it's like to generate energy through your actions, rather than drain the finite amount of energy you've previously been limited to functioning with. So much more is possible now as we wake up from the old models and the old ways of relating. If you would like to read more of my blogs on the subject of giving and receiving especially in regards to help and support, here are a few to check out: Receiving Help & Support and Giving and Receiving Support. If you've ever lost sight of your gifts or hid them because people didn't value them or couldn't receive them this a great blog to read to assist you to get in touch with your gifts, your talents and your abilities is called: Re-Claiming your Gifts.
We've all grown up in a time where good and bad are deeply embedded terms. What is considered "good" and what is considered "bad" is highly variable depending on the family structure you grew up in, the friends you had, the teachers you had etc. Either way, we're dealing with the repercussions of internalizing shame and guilt for being bad, and only wanting to present to others what we've decided or have been taught is good. For many of us there is a push or internal drive to be more authentic and less split or conflicted. This process involves integrating the light or what has been deemed good and the shadow or what has been deemed bad. Usually, through our upbringing we've denied, rejected, dis-owned and suppressed anything about us that someone thought or decided was bad. These aspects of us become what can be named as the shadow self.
In order to become integrated, whole, present and available for life now, in ways that will enable us to truly thrive, it requires us to claim what has previously been in the shadows and allow all that we are to be in the light or be conscious or known to us. The question is, how do we get in touch with what we've previously denied, rejected, dis-owned or suppressed? This begins by acknowledging that the shadow self exists then choosing to re-claim it, own it, become aware of it, and embrace it, which is really about claiming, owning, acknowledging and embracing more of who you are. As you desire to re-integrate the shadow and choose to know and be more of who you are, the way to do this will present. One thing to keep in mind is that there is often fear involved in meeting the shadow. We think that all we will discover are things that are bad and wrong about us and why would we want to do that?
In reality, what we will often discover hiding in the shadows are our gifts, our greatness, our talents and abilities, our brilliance, and our uniqueness. Why would that be the case? These are all things that make us different or make us stand out, or make us not liked by people who don't know what to do with that. What is in the shadows are the things about us that make us unable to be controlled, anything that would lead us to to doing things that other people don't think of, or doing things that don't make sense or don't lead towards societally defined rewards or away from societally defined punishments. What's there are things that we think that if we express we will end up alone, isolated, abandoned, rejected and hated. What's key as we choose to re-integrate these aspects of us is to bring to them the perspective and awareness we have now about what our choices create. Often, expressing an aspect of our being that would have lead us to abandonment or isolation could now lead us to greater intimacy, joy and ease of living. It's also important to acknowledge that by bringing these aspects into the light, it doesn't mean that we have to express them in the world, it just gives us the choice to.
We can step beyond good and bad into acknowledging the totally of our being, so that we can know who we are and express what creates the life we'd like to have here. As we become more conscious and loving, we have a greater capacity to acknowledge and receive the gifts from aspects of us that were previously rejected or denied. Are you willing to know you beyond light and shadow or good and bad? Are you willing to be you beyond that? Are you willing to reclaim your authentic desires and allow the universe, the earth and the world to contribute to you fulfilling them? How many people can benefit from you being fulfilled, joyful and happy?
Many of us have been taught to learn lessons from fear. What has been used to motivate the learning of the lessons has been the punishment and reward system. If you learn the lessons you will get a reward. If you fail to learn them you will be punished. In other words, what motivates learning is the threat of punishment or the promise of rewards. We fear what's going to happen if we don't learn the lessons we came here to learn. We try to rush the learning process to get to the promised rewards faster. When we think we've learned the lessons and the rewards aren't there, as we've been taught to expect them to be, we feel disappointed and let down. Where did we go wrong? I swear I did everything right, I checked my work many times over, I'm sure I deserve the rewards now. We are burdened by this underlying feeling of having failed at something, or having made a mistake, or this perpetual confusion about what we're missing. There must be something, did I miss a page? Was there something I was supposed to do and didn't? Was there something I did that I wasn't supposed to and they just didn't let me know then and are punishing me now in a way I will never understand? Perhaps we're doomed to "never learn" and thus bound to a prison seemingly of our own making. If only we could learn, then everything would work out and we would have everything we want in life, right?
When we're attempting to learn from fear we will always feel rushed, pushed, and pressured. The need to heal will have this air of control to it. The belief is that we can get through whatever the pain and suffering and struggle is here to "teach us" and learn the lessons as fast as possible we will be rewarded with ease, joy, peace and calm and everything else we desire. It's our fault if we are not there yet. We are the one's to blame, we are responsible, we may even feel shame and guilt, or anger and hate towards the self, or other or the world.
So, where do we go from here? What if now is the time to learn lessons from love? We can build the capacity to be where we are and invite love to be here with us, through us and as us. We can acknowledge what we're here for. How do we desire to be? What do we desire to know? What do we desire to contribute? What awareness do we require to have or what "lessons" are we required to learn to step into this being, knowing and contribution? Obviously we have to become aware of what our choices are creating. Is what we're being and doing truly benefiting us and others? Where are we choosing from? Is the desire born out of fear and thus breeding more separation, rejection, control, domination and manipulation? Or is the desire born out of love and the desire to express, create, gift, nurture, honour, celebrate, embrace and unite?
For a moment tune into to the question: What would it be like to learn lessons from love? What would it be like to be resourced and supported as we evolve, learn, grow and develop in ways that have never before been available? What if it's time to be embraced and wake up to the depth, beauty and richness of being? Is it possible? Have we outgrown the punishment and reward system? Are we tired of trying to do it right and always feeling wrong? Have we out-grown the need for the "human condition?" Acknowledge your breath, breathe in the possibility of being loved, acknowledged and accepted as you are now in a way that supports and contributes to you stepping into possibilities and inviting a future that has never before existed. May we learn the ways of love and step into mastery beyond anything we ever thought was possible.
Often we can get caught always trying to be and do more. We don't get to receive who and what we're being now because we're too busy devising a plan or a strategy to be better or achieve greater or manage what's here. What if being you is enough? Often, in a desire to fix, change or heal ourselves or others we start imitating other people. We mimic who they are or what they're doing, we try to repeat what they say, or figure out why they are seemingly better off than we are. We try to take control of our lives or help other people in the ways we think is right. We go in with agendas. We devise a plan and go to work to make it happen, or we sit back and watch, or we put our hands up and give up or we fight to change things with force, work and effort. What is beyond all of this? What if being you is enough?
With a need or necessity to fix, change and heal and with the desire to be better we miss the very moment where change is truly possible. Where we are, here and now, is where we can be resourced. When we breathe and acknowledge who we are and where we are new possibilities become available. When we acknowledge ourselves here and now our capacity to receive expands. When we choose to lower our barriers to this moment we can be receptive to having awareness we we're previously cut off from. We can invite all that we are to be here. The more resourced we are the easier it is to respond to what is showing up in our lives now. Instead of rejecting this and jumping ahead, or separating from now to lament what should have been or what we've decided can never be, we can breathe and receive the gift of being and truly know what that is. What if being you is enough?
Is what you are being or doing valuable? What dictates and determines whether you or what you do is valuable? When we really bring our attention to this it's all judgment. What is valuable or not valuable is all based on judgement. We've been taught to include what we deem as valuable and exclude what we deem or judge as not valuable. We turn towards what we've been taught to care about and turn away from what hasn't gotten us love, approval, acceptance, money, or reward. We've learned to value the gifts, talents and abilities that has gotten us somewhere in life and exclude, deny, disown, or reject the gifts, talents and abilities that has gotten us in trouble, or seemingly made our lives worse. Have you ever heard the advice: "you just need to value you yourself more?" How did you feel when you heard this?
Is what you're doing or thinking of doing it worth it? Are you worthy of having what you want? Are you trying to prove or disprove that? We can get fixated on questions of: Is this worth it? Am I worth it? Or dismissing things based on the point of view that "it's not worth it." We get caught doing these calculations, consciously or not, as to whether there is a point to what we're doing, whether who we are or what we are doing has value and whether what we're doing is worth it. Again, all of this is judgment and leads us to separate and exclude anything we've judged as not worth it or not valuable to us or someone else. We've diminished our choices so much that the our pool of potential choices only includes what we've judged as what we're worthy of or what we've decided is good, right, worth it or valuable.
What if right now we could invite a big energetic, emotional, mental, and physical re-set around value and worth? Imagine that you could call in any gifts, talents and abilities that have been rejected, minimized, devalued or dismissed by you or others. Imagine you could call back any qualities, preferences and desires that you have that you separated from because it wasn't worth having them, or their value couldn't be assigned. Imagine if who you truly are and what you choose to do is no longer controlled by worth and value. What would that be like? What if you could be you whether or not there's value to it? What if you could be all of you whether or not it's worth it? What if you could choose a life that's greater than you're worthy of? What if together we could expand our awareness to include the possibilities we've previously excluded?
What if right now you can choose to re-claim YOU? Ask for your gifts, talents and abilities to show up to bless your life and contribute to new possibilities actualizing here. For me I've been controlled by the point of view that it's not worth it, or by trying to figure out what other people value so that I could make myself be that, or in trying to make what I was doing worthwhile to other people. It was never about me because I decided that I was here on earth for other people. So much of my energy was going in the direction of diminishing me so that I could "serve" others and deliver what they wanted or needed. Eventually I hit a breaking point where I became so depressed, shut down and withdrawn that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something different even if no one else saw it, valued it or cared. So, what can we put in place now to truly change our lives and create the future we desire to have, even if no one else values it, deems it as worthwhile or approves of it? Are you willing to be out of control? What can we choose to be and do now that we've never acknowledged or considered? It's time to thrive, even if it's not worth it, there's no value to it and we're not worthy of it! How much fun can we have choosing to thrive anyway?