When asked what they do, or what their purpose is, many people will give the response that they're here to help people. That is a beautiful thing, as it can be an expression of the heart, offering your gifts and allowing others to receive the benefit of that. One thing that is key to insure that what you are offering is truly helping people is to check in with what is driving your desire to help. One thing that can be there that we may not be aware of is that we would like to be seen as a good person, a helpful person, or a valuable person. Or we may be driven by a desire to feel good about ourselves. When these underlying motivations go unchecked, or when we haven't yet become aware that that is what's driving us, our helping is often out of tune with what people actually need. We think we're helping, but because our driver is to serve ourselves (to feel good, to be seen as a good person, to receive appreciation from others for who we are and what we provide), often the helping can actually harm others or dis-empower them in subtle or overt ways. When we are overtaken with this good feeling as we're helping others, we often aren't able to be as present to truly tune in and see whether what we've offered them has truly benefited them or met their request or desire to receive help.
When our driver to help others is based on a need to feel good about ourselves, like a good person, or to get something from others (love, appreciation, and acknowledgment) and aren't conscious of these desires, these are common things that can occur:
So, what do you do if you become aware that you desire is driven by a desire to be seen as a good person, helpful and valuable or to feel better about yourself? The first thing is to acknowledge it and take a breath and see it for what it is, like becoming a witness of it that just names that it exists, kind of like a scientist reporting findings from a study. If it is a desire to be loved, appreciated and acknowledged, you can list ways to get that need met and get curious about how else this can show up for you. You can also consciously choose to offer love, appreciation and acknowledgment to yourself and get curious about who else can benefit from some of that.
After that you can check and see if the flip side is underneath, the not wanting to be seen as a bad person, or worthless, or not helpful, or selfish, or self serving. Or feeling unloved, unseen, unappreciated and unacknowledged. You could identify some people in your life that contributed to you feeling that way and also where you have contributed to other people feeling this way. There are many different methods to support the resolution of this, whether it be a path of forgiveness, clearing, integrating the memories, bringing your awareness into present time and acknowledging what's different now. If you would like assistance with this process you can contact me.
When the need to be seen as right and good, and the feelings underneath of being bad and wrong have been brought to the light of consciousness and been integrated, it is often much easier to get in touch with your hearts desire to contribute to people, assist them, benefit them in their lives and create a different future for you and the people around you. When helping is offered from this space, it is often very empowering for people, you are responding to their requests for help, you are willing to ask whether what you're offering is what they need, and can receive the feedback when it isn't helping and either redirect them to someone else, or change your approach. So, may we all become aware of what is driving our desire to help others, so that we can be in tune with each other and benefit each other in ways that assists all of us to feel loved, safe and supported to thrive in our lives now and in the future.
In these times of uncertainty, where many of us are feeling change that is upon us, this sense of not knowing what's next, or being unable to predict future events or have a clear sense of where we're headed. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to be where you are. Breathe, acknowledge the moment you are in. Take the time to tune into your body, go for a walk and tune in to the natural elements of the earth, and call in your higher self, or the energy, space and consciousness of you. It is all unfolding. We have been preparing for this time. Now that it is upon us there can be a tendency to feel a bit uneasy or anxious, or restless. It's a great invitation to really tend to your emotional body, breathe into what you feel and give yourself the space to allow that to move and flow, so that you can access your highest wisdom to guide you through these times. Here is a video with an invitation to be where you are. May we be loved, blessed, nurtured and supported in all ways.
Have you suppressed positive emotions? Often when we step onto the path of healing, or personal development or awakening we look for the suppressed pain, or where we judged ourselves, or what may be stopping us. What if now we can choose to look for the suppressed joy, the suppressed laughter, and clear all negative associations with these energies. Often they have been paired with negative experience, for instance being exuberant and joyful and being taken advantage of, or abused, or shamed.
Often when we have been shamed, made wrong, or told to tone it down, and did shut down, we then secretly or overtly resent those were the cause of us making that choice. From there we either exclude people so that we're not met with judgment, or shaming when we are happy, or we go in the direction of becoming a bit aggressive with our "joy" trying to convert all those around us to it. What if we could all give ourselves permission to be where we are, and support each other to express joy, laughter, and exuberance and build some new positive associations with those energies.
I know I lived many years navigating by first scanning my environment to see how people were doing, and then deciding how I was going to show up. I didn't want to be too different, or too happy, or too excitable if it didn't match where the people around me were. I also didn't want to be sad, or "low", or bring anyone down with what have been labeled as negative emotions. The only time I felt like I could truly be myself was when I was on my own. Progressively I've given myself permission to be where I'm at when I'm around others. Some could name that as being authentic, or being myself. This allows for more intimacy in relationships, and more ease of being. What is your modus operandus in regards to all of this? What is the next step for you? Do you feel like you have placed a lot of controls on yourself, do you have a tendency to control others, or do you feel free and invite others to express freely? Do you feel loved, safe and supported as you are now? If you would like assistance with any of this please get in touch through the contact me page.