Last night I was at a knowledge share meetup regarding the inner world and consciousness. I was exploring some ideas and perspectives with the group and one man interrupted a sentence and exclaimed: "What do you think is the one thing we're all here for?" After a pause and a few people mumbling that that was quite a question or not an easy one to answer, I said, "well, I'd have to tune into each person here and inquire about that, perhaps for a minute or an hour each and afterwards I could name what the most dominant answer or theme is." Before I could even get that entire sentence out he said: "Well that's just too complicated!"
Essentially, generalizations are designed to help simplify things. Instead of being overwhelmed by variations, one can make broad statements to make it easier to understand or relate to oneself, others or the world at large. There comes a point though, when it's time to dismantle the generalizations. Instead of being helpful they become harmful, in that they prevent us from truly being with each other, embracing difference, acknowledging uniqueness and accounting for the dynamic, fluctuating, diverse nature of self, others and the world. So, what generalizations or assumptions have you internalized that now is the time to dismantle?
The key generalizations that I feel are essentially necessary to dismantle are those such as: I'm too much, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, No one can...., Life is...., People are...., I am ...... It's those sweeping statements that can prevent us from truly knowing and being ourselves. They can also undermine our ability to make beneficial changes in our lives and relate in a space of love, trust and innocence. It's important to note that many of these generalizations were put in place at a young age and were able to take root due to having been accompanied by an immense feeling of invalidation, a shutting down of the heart, a sense of "I can't be as I am," and a desperate attempt to find a way to cope with that terrifying possibility. When we can find our way out from that heavy blanket of shame and underlying sense of doom, we can then begin dismantling those statements. I'm too much for who? Based on what? I'm not good enough for what? According to whom? How was that assessed? How could they know that? I'm not worthy of what? Who is the one to decide that? How could they know the truth of me? How do I know no one can ... How do I know for sure that life is ..... What is the benefit of deciding I know for sure who I am, how I am or what I am?
Freedom is at hand, from the invalidating effects of sweeping assumptions and broad generalizations. We no longer have to fight them, defend against them or prove that they are true or false. Instead we can bring attention and awareness to them so as to see through them, dismantle them with presence and acknowledge their function and their limitations. It may be easier to hold onto them, than to see the world without them. That is a possibility. It may lead us to feel overwhelmed or like it's "too complicated," but if we're up for that phase of transition, we can find our way through to the truth, beauty and richness on the other side. This is where intimacy is; The capacity to see, hear, feel and understand each other. No longer will we be putting things on people and trying to get them to match up to it, nor will we be lost defending for or against assumptions that we have of other people or other people have of us.
At some point generalizations don't keep us safe, they prevent us from truly relating, keep us from feeling, hearing, seeing and understanding everyone, including ourselves. That's when we know it's time to dismantle them.
Many of us are coming into a time of completing with patterns, imprints, story lines or templates that we inherited from parents, society, the ancestral line or somewhere else. The ones I am referring to are those that create a drag on your life. They are the things that you just can't get past, or the things that you keep coming back to even though you don't want to, or the ways you tend to think or feel about your life in general or a specific aspect of it. If this is relevant for you, take a breath and ask yourself: What can I now choose to see through to the end?
The key in these moments is to remain present with these patterns, imprints and story lines so as to be ready for the moment when change is available. You get to be there at the end, for the final chapter or closing remarks of that particular theme or energy signature. There is nothing to get through or push through or rush. This is more about offering presence, gaining insight and understanding and feeling the relief of true freedom as the time comes to no longer be carrying these things with us. Our love, our presence and our willingness to see it through and invite in the new templates, patterns and possibilities is what allows for the transmutation, transformation and true completion. Can you trust in the unfolding?
It is tempting at this time to want to push things away and claim things like: "I am so done with this!" Or, "I am so over this," or "I'm not doing this anymore." However, the push away is an act of fear and lacks the understanding of the pattern, behavior or approach that is required to transform it. Are you willing to invite the field and frequency of love in and commit to receiving and having what it takes to see this through? Your presence and choice to be with things as they are, be with life as it is and be with what you wish you were already done with, is the healing agent. Call in the love and the perspective that makes it possible to have understanding, awareness, and insight that clarifies the path and reveals the way through. Your breath can be your reminder...take in what's here, offer love and presence to it and exhale.
Many of us are coming into a time of being truly ready to build our lives. Up until now, as much as we may have wanted to, the majority of the emphasis was on deconstruction and gaining the awareness and the capacity to transform inherited imprints, belief systems, and strategies to cope with life that are detrimental to our health, well-being, personal fulfillment and authentic contribution. If this is relevant to you, take a moment to acknowledge everything you have deconstructed, let go of, transformed, gained clarity about, and graduated from or outgrown. And, given that this has been the emphasis, if you've had a hard time building the life you truly want, know that it is no fault of your own. So, take a breath and invite yourself to loosen your grip on any perspectives you've picked up to help you to attempt to comprehend why things aren't yet working out the way you'd hoped. It is only when the your energy, attention and presence is truly available to build your life can it happen. And if you're honest, how much of your focus and energy been available to commit to that? For many people the majority of it has gone into acknowledging what isn't working or what hasn't been working and desiring to change it, or fighting with the current circumstances in an attempt to overcome them, or feeling powerless and retreating.
The invitation for you, is to consider that having the energy, attention, and capacity to truly build a life and commit to that process is upon you. How do you feel as I say that? Whatever comes up in response to the invitation is the next thing to be with and give your attention to. If it's fatigue and doubt put some attention on that and consider how a sense of fortitude and trust could come about. If it's a sense of defeat and despair, such as: wouldn't that be nice I wish, then consider how hope, confidence and encouragement could come about. If it's a sense of being alone and without the support you require, consider how uplifting connections could come your way. You can contemplate the question of: given where I am mentally, emotionally and physically, what do I need? and get curious about how those needs can be met. Work in increments, support the revival of curiosity and wonder at how things can unfold from here. Invite courage, confidence, and enthusiasm to dawn within you.
Many of us don't yet know when the true momentum for building a life will come, but the key is to acknowledge everything that had to be addressed, deconstructed, let go of, reconciled, and transformed before this could become available. As we take a breath and see the magnitude of what has been taking place, it's no wonder we haven't had the energy or capacity to construct something new and direct all our focus onto that. So, today I'd just like to say, don't give up on it! Having your life reflect what lives in your heart is possible. Building a life that reflects who you are and what's true for you is possible. If this subject matter is particularly relevant to you, you may also benefit from some of the other blogs I've written such as: Beyond Coping and Allowing Contrast to Inspire Clarity.