Beyond Coping

Coping can be defined as our capacity to find a way to be okay with the presence of what we don't want, or the absence of what we do want.  Many of us have become phenomenal at coping.  We have learned to rationalize why it's actually okay or even good that we don't have what we truly desire.  We have learned to view the presence of pain, lack, conflict, struggle, challenge, and obstacles as character building, or meaningful, or even a gift or "good for us."  When people are unkind, self-serving, manipulative, domineering or controlling we learn have compassion for them or try to spend some time in their shoes and contemplate what they must have lived through that has lead them to being this way.  When people let us down, don't show up when they say they will, don't consider what we need or want, never ask questions and hold expectations of us that only benefit them, we try to see the gift in that, or how it's inviting us to be more reflective, or assisting us to go within and see where we may do that with ourselves, or how it's supporting us to release attachment and develop more self-trust.  I could go on.  The key thing to acknowledge is that we have been brilliant, creative, and amazing at working with what's been in our realities, and who has been in our lives.  And now, what would it be like if none of this was required?  No matter how good we've gotten at coping, what if we don't have to continue doing it?

Many of us are already, or are about to line up with realities, people, places and things that can honor our hearts, meet our needs, and invite us to be our beauty, our gifts, our greatness, and provide avenues to express our love and creative genius and receive the love and support we've always desired.  So, what is beyond coping?  What if we are soon to find out?  As we step into being, receiving and having more of what's true for us, in alignment with what we know is possible, we don't lose any skill sets we've cultivated.  If we do intersect realities, people, places and things that do require the skill set of coping or adapting, we can apply that skill, it's just that from my perspective, now is the time to release all expectations of having to cope in order to live and be here.  We can begin to create realities beyond coping.  It is possible now.

One thing to keep in mind, is that sometimes we've set up relationships or structured our lives to support our limitations rather than our greatness.  So in this transition from knowing our uniqueness through limitation to knowing our uniqueness through our greatness, there can be a lot of adjustments to be made.  There can be times when we may even grieve the loss of limitations, because their absence can be so unfamiliar to our nervous system or mental or emotional state that it feels like a void.  Imagine if you've set your whole life up to manage pain and then the pain is gone.  What do you do now?  We usually expect that the freedom from limitations will feel amazing, but often times it feel super relieving and amazing at first, and then there is a process of rebuilding our lives and restructuring everything we do.  The more we can name what really goes on in these huge transitions, the easier of a time we can have with them.  We won't be as surprised if we feel tremendous grief when we receive a deeply loving relationship.  The presence of what we truly desire often serves as a catalyst to transmute and release the pain of its absence.  If we expect everything to be and feel amazing when we have what we truly desire, we can become very confused when it doesn't.  So, all of this said, may all of us have as much ease as possible walking our paths, receiving the gifts available to us now, cultivating relationships based on love and trust and being gentle with ourselves as we progressively acknowledge and release what has been to fully live what is now.