I'm sure you've heard the saying, three steps forward two steps back, and I'm sure you've felt the frustration of feeling stuck, like you can’t move forward no matter what you do. I want you to consider five different mental models that can keep you focused backwards even if you desire to move forwards. They are the following:
1. Problem - Solution model
2. Broken - Fixing model
3. Wounded - Healing model
4. Wrong - Correction model
5. Clearing - Expansion model
Which one is, or which ones are the most familiar to you? For some, life is one big problem to solve. Other people may have defined themselves as "I am a fixer" meaning they are always searching for what's broken. Some healers are eternally looking for the core wounds. Others of us are locked into the educational model, all about figuring out what's wrong and how to get it right, or correct what we think we've done wrong. Or, a potentially newer model in the consciousness/spirituality realm is that it's all about clearing, so that we can expand.
So, how is this related to being stuck? Well, if our attention is always directed towards the problem, or what's broken, or the wound, or what's wrong or what needs to be cleared, our creative energy and our choice to direct our life forward is simply not available. It's like having a million dollars but all of it is invested or in a safe somewhere and you can't access it. Even though you have it, it's not available to use to move yourself forward.
What if now is the time to see what's beyond the mental models? What about playing with the adventure of living, or the joy of creation, or celebrating what's possible now and dreaming about what's possible in the future? See, as we choose to direct our attention and energy into that, if there is something "in the way" it will come forward. We don't have to go looking for it, or stop in our tracks to make sure there isn't more problems, wounds etc. That's how we get stuck. We think that we can’t creatively direct our energy and attention towards what we desire until we are finished solving, fixing, healing, correcting or expanding. In this moment you have a choice. Do you truly desire to have a new experience of living? Or are you eternally committed to having problems to solve, something wrong to correct, broken to fix, or wounded to heal? Take a moment to consider what your life would be like if right now, you released your grip on using those models and stepped into the action of living. I'm here too, asking myself the same questions.
How many times have you had the, "Haven't I dealt with this already," thought? I know for me, it has been a number of times. Or it can show up as, I thought I was over this, or had resolved this etc. It can definitely be a source of frustration and confusion to say the least! One thing I've become aware of is that yes, you have dealt with it already, with the skills and abilities you had at the time. Now you are "dealing with it" with the skills and abilities you have now, or with the people and resources you have in your life now, that you didn't have available then.
Say for instance you're dealing with this sense of feeling alone, isolated or that no one is really there for you. You may have dealt with some of that trauma from childhood already, validating the feelings, acknowledging the child, letting him/her know that it is that way right now, but it wont always be that way, I am totally here for you now, etc. That same feeling may come up now when you have someone in your life who can be there with you, acknowledge your feelings and offer support. This more deeply resolves the original trauma, or set of childhood experiences.
The presence of something we desire to have, assists to resolve the pain of not having it. Having the loving presence and attention of someone now, can assist to resolve the pain/hurt of not having someone available. Often it begins with the willingness to let go of the pain and have a new experience, or getting to a point where having the new experience is more desirable then holding onto what we've believed to be true, or the reasons we've come up with to explain why it was that way or what we must have done (or not done) to deserve that.
Today with a client, I described it as "all that fucked up shit". We desire something new, start putting our attention on it and then all the fucked up shit comes up (anger, reactionary patterns, resistance, conflict, confusion). Say if we desire intimacy and connection and start putting our focus on having more of that in our lives, everything that doesn't allow that will come forward. Instead of seeing that "fucked up shit" as a problem, we can turn towards it, thank it for being there and showing us what is required to change, resolve or move through in order to have what we desire. It's not there to stop us, it's just there to be addressed, so we can fully let go if it and transition into the new experience. Often the stronger we desire something, the more what is in the way (behaviors, belief systems, patterns of thought, fear, hurt, mistrust) will come to the surface to be addressed. So, what if now is the time to have way more ease addressing these things and celebrating the transition into a new, more fulfilling, better feeling experience of living? May we all receive the support we require to have ease navigating all of this! I'd be happy to assist you to address what is keeping you from having what you desire, take down those invisible walls, hand you your power back and give you the support you need to move forward.