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In environments born of fear and separation there is a lot of competition for our attention. People, places and things vie for our attention, or we vie for theirs. There is a lot of judgment about what we should and shouldn't give our attention to. If we focus to much on the "wrong things" there will be negative consequences. If we focus enough on the "right things" we have a greater chance of succeeding. The challenge in this paradigm is what are deemed as the right things or the wrong things depends on who you are talking to. Thus we are often left confused, seeking answers to no avail. Some people seem to have the answers and are succeeding and doing well, and for a while we can invest in the hope that their secrets, solutions, means and methods will offer us the same success. However, as we know, this rarely if ever works. Usually we are left feeling even more confused and wrong for not being able to figure it out, get it right or follow the steps properly.
So, how do we liberate our attention? What is beyond this competition and seeking the answers in attempt to duplicate some else's success? Here we are, we are here. As I've been speaking lots about, many of us are ready to graduate from fear based learning and instead of learning life's lessons in a vibration or environment of fear and separation, we can instead learn life's lessons in a love based classroom, in the space or energetic frequency of love. What is different about this is for you to uncover. There are no set ways that it will be. The very essence of it is about you meeting the frequency of love, getting to know you in this new environment and becoming aware of how it is different and how you best learn. In regards to your attention, there is the possibility of truly having the choice of where you offer it. Rather than it being fixed, it may become more fluid and available to meet life moment by moment and receive information consistently. Rather than it being controlled by someone else, or you having to "focus" and control it, you may discover a sense of freedom or capacity to direct it based on your knowing, intuition or inner sense of what's best. You can find what you're looking for, receive what you require and offer the presence and gift of you to that which is requesting it. You can re-claim the energy or life force that was fixed alongside your attention, thus having it available to energize you in your life now. I welcome you into this classroom of love based learning, to learn the lessons of life in a new way, more conducive to how you best learn and more catered to what you truly desire to know and explore. What can be discovered as your attention has been re-claimed by you, and thus re-claimed by love? If you're interested in this particular topic you may also enjoy reading the blog I wrote called Love Based Attention. May we all find our way to the frequency of love, liberating our attention so that we are available to know ourselves, know each other and explore what is here for us to be and do and contribute to in the world.
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One way to detect the difference between fear based learning and love based learning is to observe the approach of the teacher. In love based learning you choose the teacher, in fear based learning the teacher chooses you. In the classroom based in love, you are supported to become aware of who you are, how you learn best, and what it is you truly desire to explore. In the classroom born of fear and separation the teacher is often the one to decide what you need to learn. Because they are more knowledgeable or can observe you, they can detect what they feel you need and will tell you what you need or what you lack or what you should work on. In love based learning, the teacher knows that they are always learning alongside the student. In order to accurately assess what one needs, you must listen, ask them where they're at and what they think or sense they need to work on or where they feel stuck, or confused, or desiring some clarity or support or insight with. It then becomes a collaborative meeting, in support of learning and the refinement of the teaching process, always tuned into the student and making adjustments to better suit the true need.
In life, at this time, given that both classrooms are available to learn in, it is important to develop the capacity as the student to assess what classroom the teacher is committed to. And it's also for you to know what approach works best for you. If someone comes into your life and lets you know they have something to teach you or that there is something that you need to learn, that is an indicator that they are functioning as a fear based teacher. As mentioned earlier, the way to teach from this approach is to name where someone is and state what they need to work on. The student then is prompted to get to work by the activation of motivation to be better, correct behavior and be seen as good and as improving in the eyes of the teacher. The power and control is in the hands of the teacher based on them having established that the student needs them, and would potentially be lost and confused and left behind if they didn't have them. If this teaching style works, you as a student will feel special to be chosen, and will want to do whatever you can to get closer to the teacher and learn as much as you can from them. Feeling bad about yourself and like your missing the mark and that you can't do it without them will be common place when you're around them. However, this is the "sign" that they have a lot to teach you, and as long as you are committed enough to them and to taking in what they are offering you will deserve or be worthy of their attention and focus. When we are ready to graduate from fear based learning, the teacher's fear-based approach will start to feel off. You know you're not learning and can't learn in that way. Instead of being motivated you sink into greater indifference, shame and confusion, concluding that you can't do it. Once you become aware of the love based classroom, step into it, and acclimate to the frequency you'll begin to see more clearly why it felt so off. When you sense the teachers in this new space and are near them, you'll feel relaxed, emotionally safe and free to approach them and look at where you are together. You'll become aware that what you're here to learn is not set in stone, or predetermined, but rather discovered by you as you wake up to this frequency of love that helps you to re-acquaint with your true needs and desires and preferences. As you feel more relaxed it's easier to observe where you're at and sense what feels most generative to explore. Your way is to be established through direct participation, inquiry and the growing sense of trust, love and innocence that becomes available as you spend more time in an emotionally safe environment. May we all find our way to our version of this. It doesn't even have to be defined as a classroom. It can also be named as a space of possibility where they're is truly room to expand, explore and discover who you are, what is here and what life is all about. So, may you choose your teachers, from love, as a gift to you and to all. Many of us have gifts that we developed in times of necessity. Perhaps even our very survival was at stake. Many of us became empathetic so we could feel what was going on emotionally for others so we could make sure to stay away when they became explosive or aggressive. Others of us developing healing capacities because we hoped that if we could heal the people around us they would treat us better. Some of us became telepathic so we could read the thoughts of someone who refused to speak truthfully and honestly. Some of us learned to make ourselves invisible and go unnoticed in group situations so that we wouldn't be a target for those who felt threatened by people who were more talented and capable than they were. Some of us learned how to take the brunt of abuse and put ourselves in front of the perpetrators, to hopefully prevent others from becoming victims. It goes on and on. They key thing to tune into is: under what life circumstances did you develop your greatest gifts, and currently, do you love and appreciate them?
For many of us, we don't 100% love our gifts, primarily because we didn't develop them in a space of love and joy for the Self, as a celebration of life, beauty, the profound nature of consciousness and the majesty of the universe. However, that doesn't mean we can't change that. What if right now, we can initiate the liberation of our gifts? What if right now we can invite them to be free of fear and separation, domination, manipulation and control and blame, shame and guilt? What if right now, we can imbue our gifts with the frequency love and know them in a new way? What if we can have a new relationship with our gifts? In this moment of now, we can offer our gifts to LOVE itself, to be re-claimed by Being, and available to us to share them happily, freely and joyfully. Our talents and abilities can be purified by the light of the One, by the presence of the Universe, and by Source Consciousness itself, so that we can easily love and embrace them and include them in our expression of Self here and now. I wonder what can unfold as this possibility becomes available for each of us who have had a negative, or mixed relationship with what we're capable of. One of the carryovers from fear based learning and love based in punishment and reward is that we learned to make assessments. We bought into the idea that love had something to do with being worthy, deserving or good enough. That was the most commonly given explanation for why you were lacking, in need or cut off from resources, you were not "that" and thus you had to adopt strategies to attempt to be that. The teachers of fear based learning are shame, blame and guilt. How you know that you're doing things right and are good is if they don't have to do anything. If you are doing things wrong or are bad they will let you know. And, you are the culprit for why you are not good enough, worthy or deserving, so you are the one who has to do something about it. Someone else may induced those views by their poor treatment, but somehow that was your fault too. Fortunately we're coming into a time where this insanity can end, when shame, blame and guilt are no longer our teachers. As they are no longer the authority figures in our lives, we can be free of having to filter our experiences through their lenses. We can know love now and initiate our very being and life into this field or classroom of love based learning.
As we acclimate to this new field of love, we can progressively initiate and have our relationships in this space. Our relationships can be free of fear based learning too, and we can truly learn the ways of love with one another, moment by moment, in this living, dynamic atmosphere of being. A few years ago I wrote a blog called Transforming Patterns in Relationships, which I invite you to read to enrich this current exploration. What I wanted to bring forward today, to illuminate and invite love to facilitate the transformation of, is the dynamic of use and need based relationships. I introduced this dynamic in Establishing Love Based Relationships. Today I sense that the next level of healing is available. As a review, one thing we adopted as a way to assess the value of a relationship was to determine whether we had a use for someone (how they could benefit us) and whether we had a need for them (how they improved our lives in some way). In this field of love it's easy to see that these assessments were done in the field of separation, in the field of objects, where we were all separate objects that could hopefully find a good reason to interact and extract something of value from each other. As we re-unite with our hearts and bring our heart, body and mind into the field of love, we can be free of these mental assessments done in the field of fear and separation. We have something else to guide our interactions, inspire our relationships, and support our coming together and our parting ways, or the natural beginnings and endings that are a part of the unfolding of life. So, I invite each of us to take a look at where use and need dictated whether we maintained or discarded relationships, whether we were deriving sufficient value from them to justify the effort of maintaining them, or whether they weren't worth our effort or time or attention and thus were deemed to be deserving of being ended or terminated. And I invite you to notice this use of language and the feelings that it stirs up in you. As love is known we can acknowledge the deep pain of being treated as an object that would be discarded by another if we didn't offer sufficient value, or if someone couldn't find a use for us, or if someone didn't need or want us. We would be left behind, dismissed, disregarded, abandoned and rejected. And of course to the degree that we allowed use and need to be our masters, dictators or trusted advisers, we did the same to others. I invite us all to take a deep breath, invite the frequency of love to permeate through our hearts, bodies and minds and re-set the field of relationships, as the awareness of where we once were bound is offered so that we may be free. We can invite this field of love and the spaciousness of being to soften the edges, heal the wounds, and transmute the deep pain of previous assessments we used to determine our worth, value, and sense of deserving or being good enough in the context of relationships. As love dawns, we can see clearly that those are all manufactured assessments allowing manipulation, domination and control to have its way in the field of separation and fear with shame, blame and guilt as the rulers. We are here, here we are, initiating the ways of love, knowing ourselves anew in this different space. May we see from love, where use and need dictated our choices and receive the healing of the pain of that, so that what is available now can be known and integrated, blessing our relationships with beauty, freshness, reverence and peace. For many, they've only known pleasure as it exists on the pleasure pain continuum, in the fear based reality, where pleasure is associated with reward and pain with punishment. In the fear based reality there is benefit to withhold pleasure, or keep it at bay, in order to have something to move towards or hope for or dream of, once the work is done, once you've made it to your destination and only when you're successful. Then you're deemed worthy of it, you deserve it and you're good enough to have some pleasure. Not too much though, or else you may lose your motivation to keep going and continue to strive for more, better and greater. The yearning for pleasure and the desire to avoid pain are usually the strongest motivators to maintain action and stay focused on what needs to be done to sustain life and survive.
In recent months I've been discussing graduating from fear based learning and being initiated into love based learning, or love based creation, where love just is. It's not a reward, nor can it be withheld. Action arises from the frequency of love, rather than in the hopes of getting it. The whole system of motivation changes, once your acclimated to this new space. For more on that you can read the blog Love Based Motivation. Attention is also freed up, as I discussed in the last blog on Love Based Attention. Eventually, every aspect of our being, every element of life and living is returned to this love and a new beginning is initiated. So, this blog represents the initiation of freeing pleasure and pain from punishment and reward and all meanings, understandings, reasons and justifications for the presence or the absence of pain and pleasure that was born of fear. Now we can know pleasure and pain in the context of love, from the space of the love based classroom, or love based creation. And the one to play with here, that will be explored in my online class next week in more depth is pleasure beyond polarity. What becomes possible and available when pleasure is freed from fear based confinement? What I know is that energies of pleasure are wild! That which ignites the heart, invigorates the nervous system, calms the body and relaxes the mind can arise spontaneously, for no reason and have it's way! If anything this pleasure likes to defy all rules, bounds, reasons and justifications for being. It just appears, and is just available, with this innocent, wild smile. It offers spaciousness, support with breath, and waves of softening of any tension or holding patterns. It knows no bounds and just gifts, for no reason, helping to free us from all mental understanding generated from the torment of conditional acceptance. It helps to free us from the burden of trying to understand why we were loved sometimes and not other times, why how we were wasn't okay, why we always had to modify ourselves or control ourselves or adopt postures that implied we knew what was going on or had it all together. We are here, here we are. Beginning to know ourselves in this atmosphere of love, free of the confines of punishment and reward. Knowing what being truly nurtured is. Knowing what kindness, caring, gentleness and presence of being is. Free of concept. Free of confusion. Here we are. We are here. May we come to know pleasure beyond polarity when and as we do and celebrate its arrival with total embrace and deep appreciation, as a natural response to it's profound, luscious beauty and wonder! |
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Photos used under Creative Commons from andrewmalone, Aitor Escauriaza, ComputerHotline, Dominic's pics, FredoAlvarez, jakeliefer, entirelysubjective, istopcrappics, globochem3x1minus1
