Beyond Use & Need

One of the carryovers from fear based learning and love based in punishment and reward is that we learned to make assessments.  We bought into the idea that love had something to do with being worthy, deserving or good enough.  That was the most commonly given explanation for why you were lacking, in need or cut off from resources, you were not "that" and thus you had to adopt strategies to attempt to be that.  The teachers of fear based learning are shame, blame and guilt.  How you know that you're doing things right and are good is if they don't have to do anything.  If you are doing things wrong or are bad they will let you know.  And, you are the culprit for why you are not good enough, worthy or deserving, so you are the one who has to do something about it.  Someone else may induced those views by their poor treatment, but somehow that was your fault too.  Fortunately we're coming into a time where this insanity can end, when shame, blame and guilt are no longer our teachers.  As they are no longer the authority figures in our lives, we can be free of having to filter our experiences through their lenses.  We can know love now and initiate our very being and life into this field or classroom of love based learning.

As we acclimate to this new field of love, we can progressively initiate and have our relationships in this space.  Our relationships can be free of fear based learning too, and we can truly learn the ways of love with one another, moment by moment, in this living, dynamic atmosphere of being.  A few years ago I wrote a blog called Transforming Patterns in Relationships, which I invite you to read to enrich this current exploration.  What I wanted to bring forward today, to illuminate and invite love to facilitate the transformation of, is the dynamic of use and need based relationships.  I introduced this dynamic in Establishing Love Based Relationships.  Today I sense that the next level of healing is available.  As a review, one thing we adopted as a way to assess the value of a relationship was to determine whether we had a use for someone (how they could benefit us) and whether we had a need for them (how they improved our lives in some way).  In this field of love it's easy to see that these assessments were done in the field of separation, in the field of objects, where we were all separate objects that could hopefully find a good reason to interact and extract something of value from each other.

As we re-unite with our hearts and bring our heart, body and mind into the field of love, we can be free of these mental assessments done in the field of fear and separation.  We have something else to guide our interactions, inspire our relationships, and support our coming together and our parting ways, or the natural beginnings and endings that are a part of the unfolding of life.  So, I invite each of us to take a look at where use and need dictated whether we maintained or discarded relationships, whether we were deriving sufficient value from them to justify the effort of maintaining them, or whether they weren't worth our effort or time or attention and thus were deemed to be deserving of being ended or terminated.  And I invite you to notice this use of language and the feelings that it stirs up in you.  As love is known we can acknowledge the deep pain of being treated as an object that would be discarded by another if we didn't offer sufficient value, or if someone couldn't find a use for us, or if someone didn't need or want us.  We would be left behind, dismissed, disregarded, abandoned and rejected.  And of course to the degree that we allowed use and need to be our masters, dictators or trusted advisers, we did the same to others.

I invite us all to take a deep breath, invite the frequency of love to permeate through our hearts, bodies and minds and re-set the field of relationships, as the awareness of where we once were bound is offered so that we may be free.  We can invite this field of love and the spaciousness of being to soften the edges, heal the wounds, and transmute the deep pain of previous assessments we used to determine our worth, value, and sense of deserving or being good enough in the context of relationships.  As love dawns, we can see clearly that those are all manufactured assessments allowing manipulation, domination and control to have its way in the field of separation and fear with shame, blame and guilt as the rulers.  We are here, here we are, initiating the ways of love, knowing ourselves anew in this different space.  May we see from love, where use and need dictated our choices and receive the healing of the pain of that, so that what is available now can be known and integrated, blessing our relationships with beauty, freshness, reverence and peace.