The first is where love became an object or a thing and thus we or someone else became an object from which to extract love. We were then introduced to this concept of deserving love. As we look at this condition from the love-based perspective it's easy to see how damaging it would be to attempt to function in that set-up. Confusion, low-self esteem and oscillating between hurt, grief, sadness and anger and rage is a natural by-product of living in an objectified-love environment where we adopted strategies of manipulation and control over ourselves or others in a desperate attempt to attain, deserve, or somewhat sporadically or randomly be magically granted this love.
The second was where love became commodified, and we were now looking at making ourselves useful or valuable in order to be worthy of love. This is where the language of economics seeped into human relating and we started to think in terms of whether we were worthy of a relationship and what we could do to earn it. Or whether we provided adequate value to someone for them to want to be with us. Or whether a relationship was worth the investment. Or hoping that our investment in someone or in a relationship would pay off in the short term or the long run. Looking at this from the presence of Being, it's easy to see how damaging it was to constantly assess or decide upon our worth, value or use to someone else and theirs to us. The commodified-love condition resulted in us feeling worthless, useless, and like we had no value and potentially had no purpose or reason to exist at all! Or still scrambling to invest more into ourselves so that we could at least demonstrate that we were trying and really wanted to be better and one day would get there and finally be worthy of another's investment of their time and energy into us.
So, now is the time for us to acknowledge objectified-love and commodified-love and graduate from our participation in it. We can claim the frequency of love as our base. We don't live to earn, deserve or become worthy of it. Instead, we live from love, progressively recovering from these fear-based conditions through the unification of our hearts, bodies and minds. We can invite this presence of love to heal all the effects of trying to live without it or desperately seek it through any means available.
Through the naming and acknowledgment of what has been and what is different now, we can envision and establish relationships that are love-based and begin to truly relate Being to Being, heart to heart, and become present to what can be generated through the relationship. We'll no longer be performing or trying to impress and prove things to each other or give to get, or offer just to satisfy rather than because we are truly moved to. We can become natural, authentic, ease-filled and available to show up and give and receive that which benefits everyone involved, in tune with what we truly desire to give and truly desire to receive. If there are differences in needs, desires and preferences those can be acknowledged and we can work together to find a way to navigate through that and find solutions. And in all of this, we will each find our own way, and yet also can gain awareness from each other about what's possible to ignite and activate qualities within our Being, or elements within our Self that can now come to life and enhance the nature of living. Here we are, we are here and now is the time. A few years ago I wrote a blog called Transforming Patterns in Relationships where I explored some similar themes. You can also check out my recent blogs regarding Graduating from Fear-Based Learning for a more broad overview of the subject matter. May we all be completely resourced and be invited into love-based relationships now and in the future.