What would it be like to re-claim your choice of how to feel? What if you could choose how to feel about your body, your life, the world, your past, your future, and your relationships? There's an opportunity now to re-claim your choice. There is a possibility to return to feeling how you feel rather than feeling how you think or believe you should feel. At some age, often when we were very young, we gave up the choice to feel how we feel. For some of us, if we were delivered the judgment of being insensitive we made a decision to never be that, and instead became hyper-sensitive to other people's feelings, in other words, how others thought and felt became more important than how we thought and felt. In other scenarios, that choice was given up in favor of feeling or thinking the same as other people, to increase the probability of being liked or approved of or taken care of or appreciated. In other instances it was given up in favor of preventing conflict or tension or opposition, and the way to do that was to be agreeable, or stay quiet, or nod and smile, or hide your true thoughts and feelings in favor of keeping the peace.
A common scenario that plays out is where we've been taught to base our thoughts and feelings on circumstances. We've learned to feel good when things go well and bad when things go wrong. But again, these responses aren't based on the experiences themselves, they are based on what we've made them mean, and how we've been taught to judge and evaluate things. Whatever it was for you that led to you handing over your choice to someone or something else to dictate, control or manipulate how you think and feel is now the time to take your power back? If this doesn’t apply to you, excellent, may this be a moment to celebrate you and your choices.
What if we all had the choice to think and feel how we truly think and feel, and it wasn't dictated or determined by someone or something else? When we move into this space of sovereignty, and we are in the presence of someone who thinks and feels differently than we do, we have the choice to change how we think and feel. In other words, we can contribute to each other, inspire each other, and be gifts in each other’s lives, however, we will no longer try to control each other or try to make people feel or think differently. We can give up control in favor of choice, and in that shift, this space of emotional safety opens up. We feel safe around the people who aren’t trying to control how we think and feel. Our bodies can relax, peace can wash over us, and our breath can deepen.
When we get around people who want us to think and feel differently than we do we may feel pressure, or heaviness, or tension, or resistance. This can lead to not wanting to be around that person, without having a clear reason why. One thing that came up for me recently, is I noticed I would feel heavy and this need to shut down and protect myself when I was around this person in my life. It was confusing to my conscious mind as to why I felt this way. This person is nice, and kind, and upbeat and enthusiastic. Yesterday I received a new awareness about this that assisted me so much. I realized that she wanted me to feel excited, she wanted me to feel happy, and she wanted me to feel inspired. On the surface of things that seems like a nice thing to do, to want people to feel good. However, I realized that she wasn’t allowing me to think and feel how I was thinking and feeling and I wasn't allowing myself to have ease thinking and feeling differently than she wanted me to. I was in resistance to her desire for me, rather than being in allowance of it. I became aware of another possibility too, that if she chose to feel excited, happy and inspired for herself and her own life, I could choice to meet her there, in the excitement, the happiness, and the inspiration.
What if the greatest gift you can give someone is choice? If you show up and be how you are, people around you can choose to meet you there. If how you think and feel isn’t dependant on others, you have more freedom and they have more freedom. Emotional co-dependency, or only getting to feel good if and when people around you feel good, keeps you from the joy of living and it keeps you attempting to control people around you to get them to think and feel differently. This is not loving, or honoring, or kind, regardless of how it appears. On the surface, the control isn’t often seen or acknowledged, and especially if they desire something good and positive for you, you become the problem if you’re not allowing them to control you into feeling better. In that case, you would be feeling better for them, or so they can feel good, or so they can feel powerful or influential or capable. This has to stop, if we truly desire to love and support each other to step into our greatness and love living. I’ve been there and done that, in the sense of trying to get the people around me to feel better so that I didn’t have to be aware of their pain. It’s an innocent choice, however, when we wake up to the reality that we are in fact trying to control others, then we have the opportunity to choose again. When we re-claim our feeling body, and re-claim the choice to think and feel how we think and feel and give other people that same choice, it becomes easier to let go of the co-dependency, hyper-sensitivity and energetic entanglements that keeps us living at the effect of others, or being impacted by other’s pain. We can be responsive to other people’s pain, and offer love, support and caring for them, however, when we try to alleviate their pain so we can feel better that is controlling and dishonoring them and their choice to be in pain.
May we re-claim our feeling body and activate new talents and abilities to support greater possibilities existing here. By our choice to feel good, feel empowered, and feel loved, safe and supported, the people around us have the choice to feel that too. Our presence assists others to access it. As we take off the controls, we have more freedom to be, and in that freedom how much ease and joy can we welcome in? If you would like assistance with this process get in touch for a session, or a session series, to tune into you, give yourself and other people choice, re-claim your ability to know how you truly think and feel and have the freedom to continue to choose that or change it based on your choice.
Is it easy for you to give support? Is it easy for you to receive support? When I say the phrase: I have the support I need or I feel supported in my life, does that feel true for you? Not only do I desire for all of these questions and statements to be a yes for me, I also desire to live in a world where this is an of course. I desire to live in a world where we can give, receive and have support on all four levels of our being: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. What would the world be like if we all felt capable of giving, receiving and having what nourishes our body, heart and soul? What contribution can I be to ushering that in as a reality for more people?
Support can be in so many forms: money, love, attention, and help just to name a few. There have been so many conditions placed on these forms, by ourselves and others. It has also been tied into control, punishment and reward, and manipulation. There are also many possible imprints on our emotional bodies of times of being let down, where something was given and then taken away (loss), or where something was only given under certain circumstances, such as when were good or did something right. We may feel blocked in our expression or unable to give or we may doubt that we will have our needs met or receive what we desire to have. The question becomes: what would it be like to go beyond this? What would it be like to welcome in new experiences and possibilities?
Where things get tricky is when we consistently do not have opportunities to give support or we consistently do not have or receive what we need and desire to nourish and support us. Under these circumstances we develop coping strategies. At some level we give up on the possibility or availability of it, carry the weight of that disappointment and let down and learn to be okay with not having. We shift into an endurance and perseverance strategy of finding ways to make do, a shutting down and becoming hyper independent strategy (professing that we don't need anyone or anything), or a totally dependent please help me collapsed strategy. None of these strategies feel good, although in the eyes of others certain strategies are more praised or shamed.
So, how do we re-claim our ability, trust, and desire to give, receive and have support in all forms that nourish and honour us, our bodies and our life? What would it be like to lower any barriers we have to welcoming new possibilities into our lives, something greater than we have ever had before now? I know for me it can be quite intense, especially over these past few years, to receive what I desire and lay down my coping strategies. I remember the first time when someone offered me love and attention without conditions it was irritating. My mind would activate and have thoughts such as: what do you want? Why are you looking at me like that? Someone was offering me more love and attention than I was comfortable with and it didn't have a bunch of conditions on it or things they wanted in return. I remember when people started showing up in my life who could offer genuine love and support and it "threated" my belief that people couldn't help me.
The defenses can be strong. When a belief is really ingrained our subconscious can fight to maintain it. Giving up on your need to be right and welcoming the willingness to be wrong is one thing that can help a lot. I also recommend learning how to breath deeply and gain the tools to become present and aware of what's going on so your not blind-sighted by it! If you would like to have more ease giving, receiving and/or having the support you desire to have in your life I'd be happy to assist you. Together we can clear the pathways, become aware of and lay down the burdens and the hurts of times past, so that you have space to receive the love and blessings available for you now.
In a google hangout I did recently called Fulfilling Your Desires, I asked the question: If you knew that your needs would be met and your desires would be fulfilled, what would you ask for and what would be possible? What can happen is that we can become very identified with not having a need met, or not having a desire fulfilled. We can spend a lot of time in the frequency of "my needs are not being met" or "I don't have what I want or desire". What we did a bit of on the hangout, was to tune in to the frequency or energy of the reality of: my needs are met and my desires are fulfilled. This is an exercise in receiving the frequency and possibility of something different than what you are experiencing right now. What would it be like to easily shift from the thought forms, feeling sensations and emotional experience you are having in present time to the frequency of receiving and having what you're asking for? We're not denying our current experience, nor bypassing it, but were also willing to include what's beyond it in our experience of now.
One way to play with this is setting up two chairs facing each other. One chair represents an unmet need or unfulfilled desire. Sit in that chair and tune into the thought forms, the body sensations, the emotional tone and really breathe into it and be present with it. When it feels like time, stand up, turn around and sit in the other chair and call in the frequency of receiving. This is the energy and frequency of having that need met or desire fulfilled. Really be there, breathing into it, allowing new thought forms and feeling sensations to come in, acknowledge changes in the body, is there a sense of relaxation or relief? Did your posture change? How do you feel? What's different? When that feels complete you can get up and sit in the first chair, and tune into the thought forms, feeling sensations and emotions present, then when you're ready, get up and sit in the second chair again. As you sit in that second chair, in the frequency of receiving, you can ask questions such as: what action can I take to bring this to life? What can I be or do differently to allow for more of this to show up? Whose life can I contribute to ground this in my reality? What contribution can I be to more of this being possible for more people? If I knew that my needs would be met and desires fulfilled what would I ask for? If I knew I could easily fulfill other people’s desires and meet their needs what would I do differently in my life? Play with whatever questions feel good to you, or come up with your own. The key is to step into the space and energy of chair #2 and ask questions from there and allow the awareness and action steps to show up for you.
What if now is the time to have to tools and abilities to be present with what is and easily step into the energy and space of what is possible, beyond what is here now. One thing that I noticed with living in the moment is that I got stuck in being present with what is and lost touch with my ability to vision, sit with future potentials and be fueled by possibilities and realities that weren't yet here (that I can contribute to bringing forward). This exercise assisted me, and continues to assist me with being present in my current experience and tuning into the frequency of receiving what's beyond it. The moment of now exists beyond time. What would be like to include the past, present and future in the moment of now and receive from all of it? We don't have to cut off from the past, live only in the moment or fixate in the future. We can play with time, receive the feelings of future experiences now, receive gifts from past experiences now, and embrace it all, in ways that go beyond anything we "thought" existed. How much fun is that?
Here is the google hangout on Fulfilling Your Desires if you'd like to watch it:
The old paradigm of helping is based on roles. There is the helper, and the needy, or otherwise stated to be the one being served or helped. The helper is deemed good, right, resourced, wise, knowledgeable, “in the know,” with the information and the secrets or the intelligence. The one needing help is often in an inferior position to the helper sometimes poised as being weak, powerless, resource-less, or needing to be saved or rescued. This isn't necessarily how it's talked about on the surface, but this is often the energetic dynamics playing out, which leads to people who have more often been known as strong and independent refusing help at all costs even when they desperately require it.
This was the pattern or paradigm that was set up in my energetic and emotional system. Because I was so intelligent, strong and independent and was concerned about being seen in a positive or even perfect light, I was absolutely unwilling to be seen as helpless, needy, weak or dependant. In addition to that, I also had never been taught or shown how to ask for assistance in an empowering way. It was only if I was absolutely unable to do something by myself that I would seek out assistance, yet the perfectionist and inner critic hated being corrected by others and talked down to or being treated as less than. Essentially my imprint was that I should just know how to do everything, and if I didn't, to go to work figuring it out, and if that didn't work then as a last resort, admit that I didn't know how to do it and have to rely on someone who did. This can be pretty strong in people who have been labeled as "gifted", in that they rarely seek support, everyone assumes they know what they’re doing and they unconsciously project that they are better than others as a way to hide the hurt of feeling so isolated and alone and like no one gets them. The assumption is that they are better off than others, and have been blessed with so many gifts and so much intelligence, that they don't need any help.
Why speak to this? Well, the key here is to tune into what paradigm of helping you carry within you. Is it better to be the one helping than the one receiving help? Do you have to diminish yourself to “get” or accept help? Is it something you ask for all the time or only as a last resort? Is it better to do it on your own than have the help and support of others? Do you want to take the credit for what you do, and if someone helps you you’ll lose marks or points or gold stars or love, approval, praise or recognition?
What if now is the time for all of us to be empowered to offer help and support and receive help and support without getting locked into roles or going into better than less than, superior inferior, helper needy positions? In addition to that, what would it be like to stand with each other and offer and give the gifts we are here to give, and receive the gifts and support that contribute to all of us thriving here? The time for isolation is over. The time for being seen as good and right is over. The time for only helping people who really need it is over, or refusing to receive help and support because other people need it more than you do. This is your life. This is you choosing to be here on this earth at this time. No one’s life is greater than yours. No one’s life is less than yours. We do not have to give ourselves up to help others (making other people’s lives more valuable or important than our own), nor do we have to refuse to receive help until we really need it. We can choose to help and support when we are asked, and receive the help and support we require in the moments of our asking.
Now is the time to be resourced and supported and throw away old models of service that are based in being subservient or bowing down to the one who has been idolized or given power, or being in the position of having power or control over others. Now is the time when we can choose to walk with each other on this earth, resourced, loved, honoured and appreciated fully and completely. Anything less than that is simply an old paradigm that we can wake up from, become aware of and gain the tools and support required to let it go. I wonder what’s possible and available now, as we birth a new paradigm of helping. For those seeking to feel more empowered and to have an easier time asking for support please get in touch for a session. Everything can change when we are honoured and appreciated for asking for what we need and want and are empowered to receive it.
An expectation is something that is placed on you, either by yourself or someone else. It has a quality of pushing or being pushed. Someone can expect something of you. It's a standard that's imposed that you can be motivated to achieve or meet. Typically there are consequences attached to not meeting or living up to the expectation, some sort of punishment (something being taken away, withheld or kept from you, unless or until you meet the expectation). On the other side of the coin if you do meet the expectation there is some sort of reward, or acknowledgment or praise.
A desire is something that you can have for yourself, or someone can have for you. It has the quality of being pulled towards someone or something. It's something that emerges from you, often in response to contrast. When someone isn't being kind or loving, the desire is to have someone in your life who is kind and loving. There are two main types of desires, the desire to escape and the desire to express. The desire to escape is what you don't want to be, do, have, or experience. The desire to express is what you do want to be, do, have or experience. When we tune into what we desire to express that can call us into action. It's what is often called inspiration.
Most of us were brought up in an environment based in expectation. There were imposed standards that we were trying to live up to. If we lived up to the standard or expectation we were rewarded, loved, praised and appreciated. If we didn't live up to the standard or expectation we were shamed, made wrong, rejected or cast out of the group. This is based in control. It is designed to motivate people to behave good and do the right thing and prevent them from being bad and doing the wrong thing. The challenge with this structure is that it takes the place of the internal guidance system, in other words, if no one is there to impose the standard or expectation we don't know what to do. Some of us will end up sitting around waiting for someone or something to provide guidance and direction. This occurs most often if we have been conditioned to live up to expectations and have received sufficient love, attention and appreciation for performing well or succeeding. Others of us will be in a resistance and reaction pattern, rebelling against what someone else told us to do often by doing very opposite of what they want for us. This occurs if we more often did not meet or live up to other people's expectations and thus experienced disappointment, let down, rejection and lack of love, attention and appreciation. Ideally, for this particular model to work, we had to have internalized enough expectations (originally put on us by others) to keep ourselves motivated to push forward and reward or punish ourselves in whatever way we have been taught to do.
So the invitation here, if you're noticing that your motivation is waning or that placing expectations on yourself or having someone else put them on you isn't working to guide your life forward or push you in what is deemed to be the right direction, is to consider getting in touch with your desires. What do you desire to express? If you had total choice to guide and direct your life who would you chose to be? What would you choose to do? And what would you like to have in your life? Sometimes it can be easier to get in touch with what you desire to escape, or who you don't what to be, what you don't want to do and what you don't want to have in your life. That can be a starting place, which can then be translated into what you desire to express. As this awareness expands, the inspiration or call to action can show up, your internal guidance system can come online, and those feelings of joy, happiness, and appreciation for living can emerge. What if now is the time to live from this space and live your life in full expression! If you would like support or assistance with this process go to the contact me page and request a session. I would be happy to assist you to gain access to your desires, become reacquainted with your internal guidance system and act from inspiration.