The old paradigm of helping is based on roles. There is the helper, and the needy, or otherwise stated to be the one being served or helped. The helper is deemed good, right, resourced, wise, knowledgeable, “in the know,” with the information and the secrets or the intelligence. The one needing help is often in an inferior position to the helper sometimes poised as being weak, powerless, resource-less, or needing to be saved or rescued. This isn't necessarily how it's talked about on the surface, but this is often the energetic dynamics playing out, which leads to people who have more often been known as strong and independent refusing help at all costs even when they desperately require it.
This was the pattern or paradigm that was set up in my energetic and emotional system. Because I was so intelligent, strong and independent and was concerned about being seen in a positive or even perfect light, I was absolutely unwilling to be seen as helpless, needy, weak or dependant. In addition to that, I also had never been taught or shown how to ask for assistance in an empowering way. It was only if I was absolutely unable to do something by myself that I would seek out assistance, yet the perfectionist and inner critic hated being corrected by others and talked down to or being treated as less than. Essentially my imprint was that I should just know how to do everything, and if I didn't, to go to work figuring it out, and if that didn't work then as a last resort, admit that I didn't know how to do it and have to rely on someone who did. This can be pretty strong in people who have been labeled as "gifted", in that they rarely seek support, everyone assumes they know what they’re doing and they unconsciously project that they are better than others as a way to hide the hurt of feeling so isolated and alone and like no one gets them. The assumption is that they are better off than others, and have been blessed with so many gifts and so much intelligence, that they don't need any help.
Why speak to this? Well, the key here is to tune into what paradigm of helping you carry within you. Is it better to be the one helping than the one receiving help? Do you have to diminish yourself to “get” or accept help? Is it something you ask for all the time or only as a last resort? Is it better to do it on your own than have the help and support of others? Do you want to take the credit for what you do, and if someone helps you you’ll lose marks or points or gold stars or love, approval, praise or recognition?
What if now is the time for all of us to be empowered to offer help and support and receive help and support without getting locked into roles or going into better than less than, superior inferior, helper needy positions? In addition to that, what would it be like to stand with each other and offer and give the gifts we are here to give, and receive the gifts and support that contribute to all of us thriving here? The time for isolation is over. The time for being seen as good and right is over. The time for only helping people who really need it is over, or refusing to receive help and support because other people need it more than you do. This is your life. This is you choosing to be here on this earth at this time. No one’s life is greater than yours. No one’s life is less than yours. We do not have to give ourselves up to help others (making other people’s lives more valuable or important than our own), nor do we have to refuse to receive help until we really need it. We can choose to help and support when we are asked, and receive the help and support we require in the moments of our asking.
Now is the time to be resourced and supported and throw away old models of service that are based in being subservient or bowing down to the one who has been idolized or given power, or being in the position of having power or control over others. Now is the time when we can choose to walk with each other on this earth, resourced, loved, honoured and appreciated fully and completely. Anything less than that is simply an old paradigm that we can wake up from, become aware of and gain the tools and support required to let it go. I wonder what’s possible and available now, as we birth a new paradigm of helping. For those seeking to feel more empowered and to have an easier time asking for support please get in touch for a session. Everything can change when we are honoured and appreciated for asking for what we need and want and are empowered to receive it.