Many of us are accustomed to learning through pain, struggle and suffering, but how many of us are willing to learn through pleasure, joy, and laughter? Seeking pleasure has often been poised as something you do with your time off, as a break from the real world or real life. What if instead of pleasure being an escape or a distraction, it could be something to become present with, and actually include in your life as a source of learning and growth? How much pleasure can you tolerate? Often we get to a certain intensity of pleasure and check out, or stop it, or do something to dissipate the energy. We’re uncomfortable being turned on, and often get uncomfortable when things feel too good, like it’s somehow bad or wrong when things feel really good. What if now is the time to change that? What if now is the time to increase your pleasure tolerance and get used to feeling pleasurable sensations in your body? What if those sensations could become familiar, comfortable and normal?
A common escape when the pleasurable sensations in the body get too high is the mind. Instead of being present for the direct sensations, many people go into their heads and start thinking. They think about how good it feels (which is a removal from receiving the direct experience), they think about what they want to have happen next, or they try to speed it up to get to the end to be done with it. Many people have adopted a consumption mindset when it comes to pleasure, a want for more, more, more, but when it actually shows up instead of slowing down and really getting present to the sensations, they rush through it. It's like the dessert is so good you want to finish it, rather than really being there to enjoy each moment. What if now is the time to truly know what it's like to relax (without getting tired or wanting to fall asleep), and be fully present to experience pleasure? Our bodies don't have to be shut down any more, nor do we have to save feeling turned on and alive for special occasions or moments in the bedroom. Feeling good and turned on in your body can become your new normal. Go to the contact me page and send a note if you would like facilitation in person or over the phone or skype, and/or if you have questions about what I offer. Let the fun, magic, and pleasurable transformation begin!!
What has been coming forward in my Thursday classes is taking a look at where we've been taught or instructed to use the spiritual, energetic and feeling realm to get physical form, or to use the physical form to get the spiritual, energetic or feeling. Essentially we’ve been taught to use one to get the other. My sense is that the majority of the teachings, when they were being offered weren’t intended to foster using one to get the other, but that is something that we can get caught doing. Say for example you hear that idea or “truth” that money follows joy. Most likely, whoever presented this notion had the experience where as they became more joyful and were expressing their gifts and creativity, more money showed up in their life. Instead of hearing the whole story, or what lead that person to share that notion, the phrase just gets passed around that “money follows joy.” What this can lead to is people making assumptions such as, I must just not be joyful enough, or asking a question such as: how do I become more joyful so that I can get or have more money in my life? This can lead to people trying to be more joyful, or willing themselves to be more joyful, so that more money will come into their life, or putting a condition on joy: if I become more joyful, than more money will show up. When we are in a position of needing money or lacking money, it can be tempting to conclude that we just have to be more joyful.
It feels like the time to clear the slate, and set aside all the teachings for a moment. First, let’s be honest about our desires. If you would like to have more money in your life, great, claim that. If you would like to feel more happy and joyful, great, claim that. Let’s just release the ideas that one leads to the other or one is the precursor to the other. The order of operations may be different for each of us. Our physical circumstances may change first and then we notice our emotional body shifting into more balance and harmony. Or, our emotional body comes into more balance and harmony and shortly thereafter our physical circumstances change. Or, they occur simultaneously. It’s so easy to make the assumption that one leads to the other, or you have to do one thing first, before the other can show up. Take a moment to check in and notice where you’ve bought these ideas as true, and where you may be willing yourself to feel differently so that your circumstances change, or willing your circumstances to change so that you feel differently. In reality, we don’t often know what is required to receive the changes we desire, whether it be energetic, emotional, mental, physical or otherwise.
I often remind people that those who have created step by step programs didn’t follow their own steps. They received or achieved a certain result, outcome or circumstance and then looked back to outline the steps they took to get there. How much success do you think you’ll have following their steps? So, if you get stuck on money follows joy, or you need to completely heal and integrate before you can manifest great life circumstances, or you have to open your heart before you can have a loving partner, or you have to have a loving partner so that you can open you're not the only one! Sometimes it’s best to acknowledge that often we actually don’t know what it is going to take to have what we desire. We don’t know what internal, external modifications or changes to make, until we know. In my case for instance, I don’t know in advance if it’s about surrender, or forgiveness, or taking action to change my circumstances, or asking someone else for help, or finding the answers within, or all of the above, or none of the above. It's different all the time.
What feels true right now is that it is okay not to know, and when we do know, and we do receive the insights, and awareness, and guidance and support to change our lives and embrace new circumstances let’s celebrate that. I’m right here with you all, living this fascinating life of feeling like I know so much and so little at the same time. I wonder what will unfold next. If you would like support to navigate all of this, I would happy to be there for you. Often when two or more come together to explore these things amazing insights, breakthroughs, and awareness's emerge and I love celebrating these new possibilities as they show up to bless our lives and guide our actions.
Say for instance you desire to have a kind, caring, loving partner and you know that you can have that. At the same time, say you have been let down a number of times, have been with people who were conditionally loving, whom you couldn't trust, who were kind sometimes but mean and dismissive other times, who cared but only when it suited them. Those sorts of events create pain, hurt, discomfort and all sorts of things. Often we've done our best to heal these things, rationalize them, take a heavy dose of spiritual truths like they did the best they could, everything happens for a reason etc. Either way, there is often unprocessed anger, sadness and grief that at the time the events happened we couldn't handle or face, or didn't have to the tools to navigate, so we supressed it and then gave our minds the job to protect us from this hurt and pain. At the same time this is happening, we often have the desire to feel good and feel happy, which also keeps us from looking at or paying attention to the hurt or pain. The desire to feel good is beautiful, it's just that when the approach to feeling good includes denying the totality of our experience, it can keep us from true resolution and change.
Often when we feel somewhat resolved, or present, or ready for something new we can be frustrated as to why what we truly desire isn't showing up. One thing to be aware of is that when we receive what we've never had, it often brings up all of the unresolved pain of not having it. That's why someone being genuinely kind, caring and loving can literally hurt. The presence of the love, kindness and caring calls forward anything unresolved to be resolved. It can be tremendously confusing when someone shows up to love and appreciate us and it doesn't feel good! What's really going on is that the pain of being unloved and unappreciated is coming up due to the power of the love and appreciation to transform it. Often, when our mind is busy protecting us from feeling the hurt and pain within us, it can keep us from allowing and inviting what we truly want into our life.
So, what's the solution? One aspect to this is to re-claim the willingness to feel and ask for people to demonstrate what this looks like if we've never been taught or shown this. Secondly, as this willingness opens up, we can thank the mind from protecting us from pain and wonder or become curious about what it would be like to know that it is safe to feel. It can often make a difference to have someone with us, to assist to create a safe space where our body can relax and we can really let go. At the time the mind took control we really thought we couldn't handle the hurt and pain that we felt. Sometimes it is about affirming that is different now (through the true acknowledgement of what is different), and that we have tools and resources we didn't have then. If the support is in place, what was life threatening at 5 years old (from a feeling perspective) may today be a 30 second release of tears. Thirdly, it can make a world of different to have this very awareness, that having what we truly desire can surface the unprocessed or unresolved pain of not having it. If our top priority from a mental, emotional, subconscious or energetic perspective is to protect ourselves from pain, we will refuse to have what we will truly want, unless we have resolved and integrated the pain of not having it, or the pain of having what we didn't want.
I say that now is the time to have all the information, to no longer be stumbling in the dark feeling confused. We can be present to the yes of having what we truly desire, and also present to the no's. Sometimes it's hard to see the no's, or we've been taught to pretend that they aren't there, and the reason things aren't working or showing up is because of someone or something else. Wouldn't it feel good to know that you can have what you desire? As we get on board with the willingness to feel and the choice to resolve and integrate past hurts, it becomes so much easier to welcome in new experiences. If you feel you'd like support with this, please let me know. I'm deeply committed to assisting people to transform their inner landscapes so that they/we can show up in relationships and in the world with more clarity, peace, love and ease.