I don't know about you, but for me I had a major aversion to being seen as weak, needy, powerless or helpless. I was known for being strong, having it all together, and always knowing what to do. What this created over time was a deep resistance to getting help, even when I desperately needed it! Alongside that was an instilled value system of being independent, doing it myself, being a leader and finishing first. Do you know of anyone like this? Are you or have you been like this?
I'm here to say that getting the help you need is the most loving choice you can make. Asking for help is a sign of courage, vulnerability, and honesty. The reality is that people do desire to help us! If you told that to me in my early 20's I would have subtly or overtly disagreed! I had a mountain of evidence to the contrary. Fortunately my life got painful and bad enough that I was able to break free from the imprisonment of the value system I lived by. Is it your turn? What mind-set are you imprisoned by? You can wait until you have no other choice but to change, or you can make the choice to take a look at it now, regardless if you are feeling amazing and at the top of your game, or terrible.
A few key questions to ask yourself when you are ready to get help is:
1) Is this person capable of supporting me in the way I desire to be supported?
2) Are they going to judge me for the thoughts, feelings or behaviors I have chosen in the past? If so, please find someone else, as that will only make you feel worse and more alone!
3) Is this person interested in me finding the solution, getting clarity and moving forward or are they quick to provide me with solutions of what they think I need to do, or how I should see it?
4) Are they able to see me as equal to them, or do they think they are superior because they are helping me (which will make you feel inferior and less than, which will reinforce your desire to resist help)?
5) Do you feel empowered by them (where as a result of seeing them you feel more capable, resourced, loved and supported) or do you feel dependent on them (which won't feel good over time)?
Moral of the story is that it feels amazing to receive help when the person giving it is happy to do it. It feels good to help when people are asking to receive it. Now is the time for all of us to feel resourced and supported! Please get in touch if you feel like I can be of help to you. We don't have to do this alone. There are no gold stars or rewards for doing it all by yourself, trust me, if there were I would have a lot of them! Instead, I had years of depression, anxiety, confusion, disappointment and frustration because I wasn't willing to reach out or show people what was really going on for me. This doesn't have to be you!