Expected Competence

What should you know how to do by now?  What should you have in your life by now?  What should you be good at or capable of by now?  Expected competence is all about where or how you "should" be by now, as defined by norms based on age, culture, class etc.  Often when we don't know how to do something that we're expected to know how to do, we feel bad, incompetent or incapable and that is supposed to serve as the motivation to gain competence, change, become better, strive to improve or step up or achieve.  The challenge is that for many of us this strategy doesn't work.  We're just not wired to be motivated or pushed in this way.  Feeling bad, wrong or incapable doesn't motivate us to change or be better.  In other words, the control and manipulation of self to move in the direction of whatever is judged as good or right action cannot be achieved this way.

Many of us has been named as "sensitive souls".  All this means is that the punishment/reward model, the expectation/disappointment cycle, and the manipulation and control through thoughts, feelings and emotions doesn't work to motivate, rather it often leads us to withdrawal, shut down, lose confidence, and give up.  The key here is to acknowledge what doesn't work and choose something else.  In other words, we require something else in order to step up in our lives and thrive.  We require nurturing, gentleness, acknowledgement of the gift of presence, energetic contribution, gratitude, kindness, and appreciation for being.  As we acknowledge what we require we can choose to be the source of it in our lives.  Each of us can choose to be the energy, space and consciousness of nurturing, gentleness, acknowledgment of presence, energetic contribution, gratitude, kindness and appreciation for being.  What if you don't have to wait another moment to have this choice available to you?  The more you choose to be this, the more you can receive it.  You can "give up" on what doesn't work, such as trying to motivate yourself through the promise of rewards, or by berating yourself or withdrawing self-love and kindness when you don't "get it right." You don't have to push yourself forward with harsh thoughts, feelings or emotions.  You don't have to assign people to shame you for not being enough according to their standards, or separate from you or reject you if you're not performing to the degree that they judge that you should.

What if you could contribute to the creation of a world that is more kind, gentle, loving, nurturing, and honoring of beings and bodies?  What would that be like?  What could you be the creative source of?  How much kindness, gentleness, nurturing and gratitude can you be in the world, for you, and with everyone you meet?  What if what you give is not dependent on what someone else is willing or able to receive?  What if you didn't have to hold back any longer?  We don't have to expect ourselves or others to be competent.  So much of what we can't yet be or do is because we were never taught, shown or invited to be or do it.  Expecting ourselves to know better or have it figured out is an unkindness that we no longer have to perpetrate on ourselves or others.  We no longer have to perpetrate separation and rejection as a motivation for becoming better or doing the right thing. Lack of love does not inspire the presence of love.  We simply aren't motivated the way other people are.  Now is the time for something different to be possible.  Is now the time for you to receive more of the gift, kindness and gentleness of you and allow that to inspire you to be more of your greatness in the world?