Expressing your Truth

    I was working with a client the other day and the topic of communication and speaking her truth came up.  She said,“What I want is to be in a relationship where I’m able to communicate effectively and be myself.”  As we looked at the subject further, she realized that in work settings she has no problem speaking up, saying what works and doesn’t work for her, and respecting other perspectives. However, in relationship she tended to be with people who couldn’t communicate well, and thus she would have a difficult time expressing her truth because it was always met with backlash or argument.  Upon looking deeper, she reflected on how growing up, when she “spoke up” she would get beaten or told to be quiet.  It wasn’t okay to speak her opinion.  She realized that because she had that belief she kept bringing men into her life who demonstrated that to be true.  By becoming aware of this, she now has the ability to choose something different.  By questioning the belief she previously held (that had lots of evidence to confirm that it was “true”), she could now open to a new possibility.

    Maybe it’s possible for her to be in a relationship where she can feel safe to communicate and speak her truth and provide him with the space to do the same.  Maybe it’s possible to be with someone who is able to honor her perspective, and appreciate who she is, even if he holds a different perspective.  What a gift that would be!  And what a challenge it can be to let go of an old belief when there is so much evidence to prove its validity.  It takes a lot sometimes to truly open up to a new experience because it can be both unfamiliar and uncomfortable.  Would it be comfortable to be with someone who loves and accepts you fully?  Or would you try to “prove” that that’s not possible and that they must have some hidden agenda?  
 
     As you move into a new relationship, to prevent a repeat from the past(putting all the beliefs about “how things are” based on what you’ve experienced before on this new person), you can ask questions such as, “What’s different about this person?  Who do I want to be in this relationship?  How do I want to show up in this relationship?  Am I able to offer to them what I most want from them?”  As we develop new capacities and skills sets that we didn’t learn from our “role models” growing up (i.e. how to communicate effectively and how to listen and accept other people’s perspectives even if they are different from our own), we can bring something new to a relationship and thus receive something new from it.  One of the gifts my client saw as she did some reflection, was how she had had the opportunity, through her work life, to develop her communication skills and her ability to listen.  Once she saw the belief she held about “personal relationship” (that it wasn’t okay for her to speak her truth) and was willing to let that go, all of the skills that she had developed could now be transferred into this other context.  Also, because her mind is more open, it is much more likely that she’ll be able to welcome someone into her life that will enable her to demonstrate these skills.  What belief about “how things are” would you be willing to let go of if you knew that something else was possible?   

---