That’s what I’ve been doing most of my life reading off an imaginary script of what's right and good, perfect and correct and I can still feel a twinge of anger about it. I played out all the scripts that other people gave to me and where did it lead me (after the degrees and life as an athlete)?...To frustration, judgment of self, defeat, confusion and sense of doing something wrong and missing the mark. it has only been in the last few years that I have been willing to know myself beyond that! These last few years have allowed me to go beyond the script, tune into the moment, offer words I am inspired to say, listen to what people I’m with have to say and celebrate that expression. It got me thinking of the characters, roles, and costumes I’ve played out, being a perfectionist, an athlete, a student, a “spiritual” person, a “well-educated” person etc. I feel the most joy and the greatest sense of appreciation for living in the un-scripted moments. Allowing for what’s new to emerge, new thoughts, new ideas, new perspectives and being present to the palpable movement of energy, the dance, the connection, and the magic. I can read scripts, perfectly, accurately. I can memorize song lyrics, spent years memorizing things for tests, and can regurgitate what someone else said or what I read like nobody's business! It is an amazing skill set, that like any gift and talent, can work for me or against me.
What I’m aware of now, is that I enjoy living beyond the script. I’m aware of the rules, the characters, the costumes and the roles, what’s deemed right and wrong, good and bad. It’s all there. In this moment I can also acknowledge my resistance, how I’ve decided those things trapped me, imprisoned me, and shut me down, but that is the voice of the rebel, desiring freedom and to break out of social conditioning and imposed norms. Beyond that though, is the freedom of letting go of the resistance. Acknowledging the gift of rules, roles, and characters and being willing to celebrate them, play with them, be a character and then forget the script, have a moment with people where we read the scripts and the next moment where we toss them out and laugh. It’s all good. I just wonder how much fun we can have living un-scripted, and playing with scripts, saying what we’re supposed to say and then forgetting what we’re supposed to say, saying what people need to hear, and then catching people off guard with words they didn’t expect to hear. I welcome the space to play, within, and beyond the scripted life. I shall meet you here, there and everywhere for the fun and joy of it.