The punishment reward system was designed to maintain order in a social group. If you're good according to the rules, regulations and ways of doing things you deserve rewards. If you're bad according to the group mores and moralities etc. you deserve to be punished. Rewards are often about what you're given that is desired, such as resources, love, attention, praise, support, belonging, affection and so on. Punishments are often about what is taken away or withheld from you when you're bad or do something wrong. These include things like lack of love, condemnation, shame, guilt, isolation, abandonment, rejection, being shut out of the group, not belonging, or not getting what you want or need. Although this system can be "effective" at maintaining order, it is super painful and harsh and unkind and really leaves the majority of us feeling not good enough, unworthy, full of shame, and in fear, terror or unending grief.
One of the greatest challenges of this particular system is that we don't live in an environment where the collective agreements are consistent. In other words, we are not given the same rule book. Every family is different. In one family you could be punished and condemned for something that in another family you could be rewarded and loved for. So, we end up super confused thinking things like "what's wrong with me?" "Why can't I figure this out?" "What am I missing?" If this is you, my sense is that you've outgrown the punishment rewards system. In other words, if it's not working for you to motivate right action, or inspire you to be great and contribute your gifts to the social group then it's time to be or do something different.
So, a potential starting place is to acknowledge: I am here. I exist. I am living. What do I require and desire to have in my life? What do I desire to give? What would I like to receive? What do I value? What do I appreciate? If I could choose anything what would it be? Essentially you begin an exploration of who you are, what you value or what's true for you, and what it would be like to generate and create your life from this starting point. You don't have to have all the answers, instead you just begin. If you feel like you don't know you could ask things of the broader universe that you are a part of like: universe, show me something beautiful today. Universe, what can I be and do that I've never been and done that would contribute to the joy of living? Start with curiosity and expand from there. I've included a meditation here to listen to when you feel ready to free yourself from the punishment reward system. And if you're interested in more you can check out my blogs: Love is not a Reward, Learning Lessons from Love, It's Time to Take the Pressure Off and Beyond Worthy and Deserving. And if you would like support to release the remnants being controlled by that system such as feeling not good enough, full of shame, guilty, unworthy, not deserving of anything good, etc. please get in touch! All of this can change, and incredible freedom is available when you say yes to having it.
One of the greatest challenges of this particular system is that we don't live in an environment where the collective agreements are consistent. In other words, we are not given the same rule book. Every family is different. In one family you could be punished and condemned for something that in another family you could be rewarded and loved for. So, we end up super confused thinking things like "what's wrong with me?" "Why can't I figure this out?" "What am I missing?" If this is you, my sense is that you've outgrown the punishment rewards system. In other words, if it's not working for you to motivate right action, or inspire you to be great and contribute your gifts to the social group then it's time to be or do something different.
So, a potential starting place is to acknowledge: I am here. I exist. I am living. What do I require and desire to have in my life? What do I desire to give? What would I like to receive? What do I value? What do I appreciate? If I could choose anything what would it be? Essentially you begin an exploration of who you are, what you value or what's true for you, and what it would be like to generate and create your life from this starting point. You don't have to have all the answers, instead you just begin. If you feel like you don't know you could ask things of the broader universe that you are a part of like: universe, show me something beautiful today. Universe, what can I be and do that I've never been and done that would contribute to the joy of living? Start with curiosity and expand from there. I've included a meditation here to listen to when you feel ready to free yourself from the punishment reward system. And if you're interested in more you can check out my blogs: Love is not a Reward, Learning Lessons from Love, It's Time to Take the Pressure Off and Beyond Worthy and Deserving. And if you would like support to release the remnants being controlled by that system such as feeling not good enough, full of shame, guilty, unworthy, not deserving of anything good, etc. please get in touch! All of this can change, and incredible freedom is available when you say yes to having it.
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