As I've been speaking about in recent months fear based learning takes place in a classroom or environment born of fear and separation. The way you learn is to figure out how to go towards the good, right, positive and pleasurable things and away from the bad, wrong, negative and painful things. When you're off track or missing the mark, blame, shame and guilt will be there to teach you. In this environment we learn strategies of domination, manipulation and control of self or others to get our needs met or avoid consequences. In this classroom love is a reward. It is something to be sought, earned and deserved. We hope to become good enough for it or worthy of it. Usually the conditions are difficult and the majority of us end up failing or feeling like we just can't do it and might as well give up. Those of us not designed for this classroom can barely function in the absence of love. Thus we can't "make our lives happen" without it. Many of us have realized that this isn't the learning environment for us and have called for a new one.
In recent blogs I've been discussing some of the differences in the two different classrooms, especially that in love based learning, love is at the base of it. True learning and growth becomes available when we have this foundation available to us. We don't act to get love, we act from love. This allows our heart to be included in our actions rather than excluded. As we acclimate to this new frequency or environment, it can take a while to come to terms with what went on in fear based learning. Why do I feel so wounded? Why is my energy low? Why don't I have motivation? Where is my joy? We receive information, insights and what we need to heal and re-calibrate as we go.
One thing that can be developed or nurtured is this new space, is that of becoming responsive to love. In fear based learning, because love was a reward, it was often tied in with control. Essentially we had to perform for someone else or become what they wanted us to be in order to deserve it or get access to it. At some point many of us just couldn't do that anymore and became angry and resentful and decided that we didn't want to be controlled anymore, so gave up on going for the reward of love. Essentially, we trained ourselves to become un-responsive to love because in our minds it meant control. It was not freely offered, rather it was transactional. The set-up was, I'll give you love or attention and spend time with you, if you give me what I need and want. So the dominant association became, if someone is offering me love or attention it's because they want or need something from me. We learn to dis-trust love and give up on relationships.
So, as we acclimate to the frequency of love and establish it as our energetic and emotional base, we can begin to become aware of possibilities for love-based relationships. Love based relationships are inclusive of meeting each others needs but are not transactional in nature. The primary impetus is born of the desire to love and be loved and to be with people and have that sense of togetherness. As we are together needs, wants, desires and preferences are named and explored, and those that are true and real in the dynamic are met and fulfilled in whatever way is chosen. As we heal any wounding from transactional dynamics and fear based environments where we felt like a tool for someone's use, or an object, or a possession, then we can become more available to be with each other in the field and frequency of love and explore what is here. We can re-claim needs and desires and include them in the context of relationships in new ways. I wonder what will be different as we become responsive to love and available to meet each other in this new space. To explore this subject matter more you can also click on the titles to read my blogs: Establishing Love Based Relationships and Love is Not a Reward. You can also scroll through blogs from recent months and see if any titles jump out at you. May we all be loved, nourished, resourced and supported as we are now.
Christine helps people to approach life with greater care, love & wisdom. offering presence and a unique quality of attention she can assist people to play an active role in their mental, emotional and physical health no matter what is going on. With all of the different tools and methods she has access to, she inspires, encourages and supports people to really love and honour themselves, and thus be more able to love and honour others. Through her patience, kindness and astute awareness of the body, mind and heart she accelerates people's self-healing journeys and makes the inner and outer world a whole lot easier to navigate!