Is now the time to truly know the gift of your presence? I have an online class tomorrow with this theme, and yesterday recorded a meditation that I've included here. How much more can you receive the gift of you? What would it be like to embody the truth of you more deeply? What else can you acknowledge about you, and what is now the time to express?
The punishment reward system was designed to maintain order in a social group. If you're good according to the rules, regulations and ways of doing things you deserve rewards. If you're bad according to the group mores and moralities etc. you deserve to be punished. Rewards are often about what you're given that is desired, such as resources, love, attention, praise, support, belonging, affection and so on. Punishments are often about what is taken away or withheld from you when you're bad or do something wrong. These include things like lack of love, condemnation, shame, guilt, isolation, abandonment, rejection, being shut out of the group, not belonging, or not getting what you want or need. Although this system can be "effective" at maintaining order, it is super painful and harsh and unkind and really leaves the majority of us feeling not good enough, unworthy, full of shame, and in fear, terror or unending grief.
One of the greatest challenges of this particular system is that we don't live in an environment where the collective agreements are consistent. In other words, we are not given the same rule book. Every family is different. In one family you could be punished and condemned for something that in another family you could be rewarded and loved for. So, we end up super confused thinking things like "what's wrong with me?" "Why can't I figure this out?" "What am I missing?" If this is you, my sense is that you've outgrown the punishment rewards system. In other words, if it's not working for you to motivate right action, or inspire you to be great and contribute your gifts to the social group then it's time to be or do something different.
So, a potential starting place is to acknowledge: I am here. I exist. I am living. What do I require and desire to have in my life? What do I desire to give? What would I like to receive? What do I value? What do I appreciate? If I could choose anything what would it be? Essentially you begin an exploration of who you are, what you value or what's true for you, and what it would be like to generate and create your life from this starting point. You don't have to have all the answers, instead you just begin. If you feel like you don't know you could ask things of the broader universe that you are a part of like: universe, show me something beautiful today. Universe, what can I be and do that I've never been and done that would contribute to the joy of living? Start with curiosity and expand from there. I've included a meditation here to listen to when you feel ready to free yourself from the punishment reward system. And if you're interested in more you can check out my blogs: Love is not a Reward, Learning Lessons from Love, It's Time to Take the Pressure Off and Beyond Worthy and Deserving. And if you would like support to release the remnants being controlled by that system such as feeling not good enough, full of shame, guilty, unworthy, not deserving of anything good, etc. please get in touch! All of this can change, and incredible freedom is available when you say yes to having it.
We've often been taught to fight for change, or push through fear, or make things happen. We often were not taught to ask for, receive, embrace, allow and invite in the beauty, the peace and the change we'd like to see in the world. What if now we can know what it would be like to ask, receive, embrace and allow? I lead a meditation called Waves of Peace that I wanted to share here. A group of us gathered on Nov 11th, which was Remembrance Day. I played with that energy a little bit, as you may hear near the end of the meditation.
What if now we can access energies that may not have been valued, wanted, needed or desired by others?...We can choose to be the gentleness, the kindness, the peace, the calm, the innocence, the gifts and the space of possibility. We don't have to fight to maintain the identities we built to keep us safe when we lived in a world of fear. What is different now? What if it was different for you now? If it was, what would you choose to ask for and receive?
This week I did an in person and online version of a class I entitled “Trusting You to Create Your Life.” A few themes came forward both nights that I wanted to share in this format too. One is that of committing to building trust from where you are. Often we get caught believing that we “should” trust, or it’s right to trust ourselves and other people or we keep looping back to an earlier time in our life to figure out what went wrong, or where we lost this trust that we should supposedly have developed.
One of the things that prevents us from building trust in ourselves is not knowing ourselves, or where we learned to cope with life by emphasizing the aspects of our being that others liked or accepted and denying, suppressing, rejecting or disowning aspects of ourselves that other people didn’t like. Those aspects that we “hid” from ourselves are now unknown to us, and it is harder to trust what is unknown to us. People have attempted to get us there by saying things like “just trust” or “have faith”, however that is often not enough to truly address what’s going on. If we knew all that we are, would it be easier to trust all that we are? Yes! As we know all that we are we can receive the awareness of what the needs and desires are and update our means or methods of getting those needs met and desires fulfilled by tuning in to the field of possibilities now, rather than relying on associations made about ourselves, life, the world and other people at other times in our lives (what they could or couldn’t give us, whether they could meet the needs or fulfill the desires that are relationship based etc.).
So, one of the ways to build trust from within is to look for anywhere we’ve separated out aspects of ourselves based on value judgments imposed by other people. I lead a meditation earlier this year called “Strengthening Trust in Life” which I’ll include at the bottom of the blog. In that I speak to some of the separations between the mind, heart, body and spirit and what it would be like to unify them again, or have all that we are working together to benefit the totality of the embodiment. If every aspect of us chose what honored the totality of our embodiment, how much more could we trust ourselves to create our life? Ponder that, and get curious about what is possible now. If you would like some support via a one on one session please get in touch for a session. And as mentioned, here is the meditation:
What options are you keeping yourself open to just in case, or because you can, or because maybe you’d like to do it again or try something again (even though you KNOW it’s not right for you or doesn’t work for you?). We’re coming into a time where it’s so important to commit to our lives, to that which loves, honors, nourishes, blesses and supports us or to that which contributes to our authentic expression in the world now and in the future. We have this one coping mechanism due to this implanted point of view that we “fear change.” The strategy is to keep our options open, just in case. It’s like going to a restaurant where you don’t like the food, you have never felt good after the meal, yet you want to keep in on the list of restaurants because maybe it’ll be better next time. What would it be like to 100% commit to having what works for you? Choosing food that you like, finding your deep wholehearted yes. It is a process of loving ourselves enough to say yes to what’s right for us and no to what doesn’t fully work for us. And it’s a process of meeting the aspects of ourselves that are committed to these other things or less than beneficial “options” because they really believe that they do benefit us. It takes a lot of love to approach these aspects with a desire to understand the perspective, recognizing the conditions in which we formed the behaviors and gently or firmly waking them up to what’s true from an authentic, loving, self-honoring point of view.
So, to put it directly, what options are you keeping alive that you know now is the time to say no to, or “die” to in the sense of allowing them to leaving your life experience? It does often begin with looking at our life at what is just kinda, sorta good or barely tolerable but okay or at things we love to hate or hate that we love and instead of going into the most popular of all judgement of “what’s wrong with me?” Or “Why do I sabotage myself?” Or some other self-hating or depreciating approach, we instead go okay, what would I prefer? What would it take to invite, allow, demand and have all of me on board with what I truly desire and require? Instead of the judgment, which creates separation and eliminates receiving, bring those aspects closer, and as and when you’re ready to (or with the help, love and support of someone like me by your side) seek to understand, listen and receive awareness from the totality of you. There are aspects of us that have been misguided and misdirected. The only way they (those versions of you) will come on board is when we turn towards them, bring them closer, listen, hear, ask questions and offer the guidance and direction they require (which is ultimately what ‘you’ require to truly move forward).
So, I invite you to take a deep breath, welcome in your authentic self, choose to know your wholehearted yes and your wholehearted no, get curious about who you would be and what would be possible in your life if you knew that you were 100% committed to the loving, honoring, nurturing, nourishing, supported, joyful and generative version of life and living. Get curious about the joyful and fun and pleasure-loving aspects of yourself that may have been pushed to the side while so many of our fear based, confused, I don’t want to do this or be here, overwhelmed versions of us have taken center stage (or have wanted to). Take a deep breath and get curious about being you, refreshed, renewed and restored. Here is a poem I wrote back in 2011 that would like to be shared here. If you would like support and guidance know, love and trust you and step into the greatest version of your life get in touch for a session. What is possible when we come together and commit to our greatness? Is now the time?
Refreshed and renewed
Centered in love
Letting the light shine
Remembering what it means to truly connect
Breathing in to the space created
Settling, drawing the mind into the present moment
It is here that beauty can be seen, felt and known
It is here that the depth of our being can be accessed
From this inner place of stillness inspired thought arises
Curiosity is sparked, innocence revived
Action ﬂows effortlessly, in tune with what the moment is calling for
One step at a time, evolving towards a fuller expression of Self
Spontaneous waves of joy replace those of doubt
Peace calms the storms of fear
Thank you, thank you, thank you
May the blessings be
How much more support and nurturing can we ask for and receive now? I know for me I had quite a few associations with support and nurturing that I chose to take a look at and change, so that I could realize what true support and nurturing was for me. Do you have any negative associations with support that you can be free of now? A few of the ones that I took a look at was that I had to be down, or off, or depressed, or sad or in a difficult financial circumstance to "receive support." I began to tune into the possibility of being happy, joyful and resourced and receiving support from that space. In terms of nurturing, I took a look at where I had the perspective that it just wasn't available, or it only was when I really needed it, or that I didn't require much of it because I was okay without it. So, I got to tune into the possibility of being happy and well and receiving nurturing in that space. I got to clear any reasons for asking for support or nurturing, or any justifications for why I needed it or didn't need it. I got to explore the questions: What does being supportive and nurturing mean to me? And, what does receiving support and nurturing mean to me? I got to be in the question of: What is support? What is nurturing? And invite life to show me.
One of the ways that I’ve been gifting support and nurturing is through group meditations. I’ve included the audio of a recent meditation I facilitated that was designed to help lift of the fatigue, heaviness or mental fog that can prevent us from accessing our inner and outer resources. So, I present to you the question: What forms of nurturing and support can you ask for and receive now? What would benefit you the most? What would it benefit you most to give and to receive? And how many people can now benefit from you gifting and receiving? I wonder….
What have you defined being strong as? What have you defined being weak as? Who is strong? Who is weak? What are signs of strength? What are signs of weakness? Is it good to be strong? Is it bad to be weak? There are many ways we can get caught in an either/or universe. What this means is that we end up directing our energy into defending for one thing and against something else. We align and agree with one side of the polarity and resist and react to the other. We end up defending someone who possesses the characteristics we've defined as good, and defending against someone who possess the characteristics we've defined as bad. Stepping beyond the polarity or the either/or reality gives us more freedom and more choice. Us as a Being includes strength and weakness. Consciousness includes everything. The key is to acknowledge where we are and if there are walls or barriers or constrictions that we can sense or feel, and we desire something greater, we can become aware of what is holding them in place and choose to be or do something different.
So, have you identified with being strong or weak? Have you defined strength and good and weakness as bad? What would it be like to be neither strong nor weak and also strong and weak? In other words, include everything this is and choose beyond it. Often strength and weakness is tied in with the creation of competition. Strength is often associated with winning and weakness with losing. If you've been really programmed with the "you have to be strong or else.." like something really bad is going to happen if you're not, perhaps even death, then you may have a hard time allowing people to be close to you because then you'd have more to lose, which could make you weak, and take away what you've worked so hard to maintain. The psychology of this can be quite complex and multifaceted, and it can really disrupt our lives if we live being unconscious of it. Usually we start to become aware of it when we have a hard time asking for and receiving help and support, when we push people and things away and don't know why, when we're stuck trying to be better than other people, when we realize that we have a deep fear of loss or death or we feel completely alone or isolated.
So, what would it be like to step beyond this? What would it be like to be and receive with ease? What if strength and weakness was no longer something to defend for or against? What if we no longer had to be defined or identified with either? Really tune in to the space beyond competition, what it would be like to be beyond winning and losing and strength and weakness. Any of these things could be chosen as something to participate in, if it was fun or created something that you desired, yet it was no longer something you were bound to, confined by or limited based on. Are you willing to have who you've known yourself as invalidated by who you're becoming? Are you willing to lose what you were previously defined by? Are you willing to have something different that may be completely unfamiliar? I invite you to welcome in new possibilities and play with being, knowing, perceiving and receiving you, beyond all of this. If you would like more insight into how the either/or reality works you can read my blog Living Beyond Polarity. If you do have a hard time asking for and receiving help, and this is something you would like to change, you can read my blog Do You Resist Getting the Help you Need? And if you find yourself stuck in the state of needing to be strong or resisting being weak or being seen as weak and you're ready for something different, get in touch for a session. I have lived much of my life imprisoned by this particular template and there is so much more to uncover and discover and be and do when it starts to unravel. I welcome you to know and have this as and when you're ready.
So many of us have been seeking...seeking and seeking and seeking for something more, something greater, something different. Often in this seeking it can feel like we're getting nowhere, or that instead of being more clear of our direction, we can feel like we're losing our direction or simply don't have one. What if what's really occurring is that we're initiating true authentic movement that originates from being? What would it be like to claim that as our choice, to initiate true movement and to have everything we do as an expression of our very being? What if we are now here? As we show up for this unfolding moment how much more can we listen and hear the new emerging possibilities speaking to us? What can we facilitate and create from this new space? I wonder...
Here is a brief activation/meditation to assist you to show up and ask to know what you're here to be and do. If you would like one on one support to contribute to you having this get in touch for a session.
I lead a meditation this morning on the subject of contribution for our bodies. What can we facilitate now in and through our bodies? What new energies are available that we can now claim and acknowledge? Listen in to go on an energetic exploration of possibilities...
One question you can ask when you're feeling stuck is: Is now the time to change this? Many of us, especially now, have a desire to move forward, express, create our lives, bring new things into the world, change the world etc. In moments like this it can feel like there's not enough support, or drive or momentum to carry us forward. Instead of relying on old ways of interpreting this type of experience with thoughts like what's wrong with me or what's wrong with the world, or here's why I can or can't do this or change this or have this, you can choose instead to ask that question: Is now the time to change this? And be present to receive the moment when it is a YES! Now is the time. As that yes shows up you can celebrate the initiation of authentic movement into more of what you've been asking to be and do.
I appreciate something John Newton often says which is, "It's not that you're stuck it's just that it doesn't feel good where you are." Often we will mentally separate from where we are when we've judged or decided we are not where we should be or something is wrong or off about our lives. The invitation now is to acknowledge where we are, what we are currently thinking and feeling and expand our capacity to receive it. Instead of separating through judgment, we can receive where we are now and ask questions to gain clarity about what else is possible and how things can be better or different.
When what we’re experiencing is at odds with what we desire, wish or want another practice we can engage in is to use the contrast to inspire clarity. In other words, what is this experience reminding you that you desire? And as you become more clear on what you desire and prefer, is there something you could be or do differently now to support that showing up in your life? For a deeper discussion on this you can read my blog Allowing Contrast to Inspire Clarity.
It is also valuable to honestly assess the situation and ask: Is this something that can change? Often as a result of being inundated with ideals of “you can change anything” and “anything is possible” it can lead us to not being present to a situation or circumstance and asking whether everyone or everything involved is ready, willing and able to change. Yes, on one level of perception “anything is possible” and yet it is a different approach to really ask: what is possible now? What is available here? And be completely present to receive the awareness that comes from asking that, whether it matches the ideal or fantasy of what we want or desire or not. We can each contribute to creating something greater now and in the future, yet it does require us to be where we are now, whether it feels good or not. May we all be as loved, resourced, blessed and supported as we step into this next phase of creation and receive the moments of “Yes!” and enjoy the momentum and the expression that does become available. If you’re interested in a few more perspectives about being stuck you can read my blog: Say Goodbye to Being Stuck and The Value of Being Stuck.
Christine assists people to be with themselves fully, releasing anything that prevents them from being resourced from within. She invites love and wisdom to be accessed through the body, heart and mind to restore the capacity to gift and receive what truly nourishes all that you are. She brings harmony, coherence, and gentleness and provides a space and frequency that calls forward your greatness and inspires you to engage with life in new ways. She contributes to you knowing who you are and being that in the world, creating miracles everywhere you go for the fun and joy of it.