Many of us are ready to step beyond the world of either/or. We're no longer desiring to be one thing or another, or be stuck or caught in one role or another. I'm speaking specifically to potentials for friendships and intimate relationships. True reciprocity is about loving AND being loved, caring for AND being cared for, supporting AND being supported. As we step into this space, there is room for contribution to become known, which is about the simultaneity of gifting and receiving. This choice to be and receive supports the circulation of energy, the lightness of being, and the joy of interacting in the interpersonal field. How much more can we step into this space of true reciprocity now?
What would be a healing experience for you? A few possibilities are: being able to be or do something for yourself that you were previously unable to be or do, being or doing something with someone that was previously unavailable or inaccessible, or being or doing something for someone or having something done for you that you haven't yet been able to offer or receive. In cultures that are more individualistic in nature there is often a lot of pressure or praise for what we can do by ourselves or for ourselves. Having help can be associated with failing or being incapable or being incompetent. This mindset would lead to a lot of emphasis on loving yourself, providing for yourself and being independent. Those things would be associated with success. Wounding would usually show up in the form of feeling not good enough, undeserving or unworthy of loving yourself, providing for yourself and being independent. In other words something is missing or something is wrong with you if you can't do that. For someone who carries values such as these, imagine how receptive he or she would be to having someone else provide for them and love them. Imagine how they would feel about being dependent on others.
In cultures that are more collectivist in nature it would be more about the group, belonging and fitting in, being helpful, sacrificing yourself for the well-being of the collective, not being selfish or self-centered, and making others proud by your accomplishments and achievements. The emphasis would be on thinking about others and doing things to benefit others or prove, show or demonstrate to them that you care more about them then yourself. Wounding may show up in the form of being shamed for not doing the right thing, or shunned if you don't comply, or being cast out if you don't share the values or beliefs of the group, or being accused of being selfish and not caring enough or doing enough for other people.
Did you grow up in an environment that was more individualistic or collectivist in nature? For many of us we grew up with influences from both, and for many of us our healing path is going beyond the either/or into the inclusion of elements that are in our best interest to include. In this case, it is about the individual AND the collective. It is about self-love AND loving and being loved by others. It's about providing certain things for ourselves, providing certain things for others and having certain things provided for us. It's about being dependent on certain people, places and things AND self-reliant, autonomous and independent in other respects. In terms of welcoming healing experiences, we can invite that which is in our best interests to have done for us, what's in our best interests to be or do for ourselves and what's in our best interests to do with or for other people.
Imagine what it would be like to step beyond individualistic or collectivist, beyond the individual or the collective. If we don't acknowledge these different influences on our values, beliefs, perspectives and approach, we may prevent ourselves from inviting and moving towards the healing experiences that would enrich, inspire and support us and others. Here are some questions that you can contemplate, that may help you to get in touch with potential healing experiences:
Now is time when many of us are being called to develop inclusive attention, which goes beyond the either/or. This allows us to attend to our best interests as a unique, autonomous individual AND as a part of the collective well-being. This ultimately allows us to build a life in and through the field and frequency of love. A few blogs that explore these subjects, that you can link to when you click on the titles are: Building Your Life, Inclusive Attention and Living Beyond Polarity.
Not only is it a time to evolve our communication in the outer world, it's a time to evolve our communication in the inner world. What if you could communicate easily with different parts of your body and different aspects of Self? I facilitated an online class last night. Here is a segment of the class description:
"In this class we'll acknowledge the parts of the body that make up the whole of the body, and the aspects of who we are that make up the totality of who we are...How much more ease can we now have in communication with parts of the body and aspects of the Self? How can this translate into the interpersonal field? How can this translate into our being with nature and the Earth? How can this translate into our knowing of the future and awareness of what we can choose and direct our presence and attention towards? How can this translate into us truly thriving and being prosperous?"
It was a fascinating journey to explore these pathways of communication. We can really enrich our inner life and witness it bridge, merge and unify with our outer life. We can get in touch with parts of the body that make up the whole of the body, and aspects of the Self that make up the totality of who we are. As this is initiated it can translate or show up in the interpersonal arena and in the field of interdependence with people, places, things, money, work and relationships. In some ways it's beyond what can be articulated in words.
The main thing is to awaken the curiosity and possibility of re-establishing wholeness and deepening our relationship with Life. Inner conflict or opposition can be resolved, confusion can become clarified and peace and calm can replace the complexity of not understanding what's playing out in our bodies or inner space, and how that relates to what's happening in our lives and in our perception of the world.
Given what's occurring on the planet now, our breath, touch and movement may be affected. There is this approach that is being administered to the population that in order to "be safe" from biological threats we must restrict our breath (by "masking" so as to protect others in the event that we were to be carrying something, that if it were to be transmitted could be harmful), minimize touch (proximity to others increases risk) and limit our movement (because movement increases "exposure" and could spread the virus at a faster rate). Consider the message that our bodies are being given based on these recommendations. Essentially...you're dangerous, you're a threat, you're a potential weapon that could cause harm or even death, you should be very careful and not get close to people.
So, as we acknowledge what's being advised to keep us and others safe it's a great opportunity to check in to see whether this strategy includes love. If not, how can we include love in our approach to our health and safety and in the ways in which we contribute to the well-being of those around us? How can we demonstrate love in our nurture and care of our bodies, and in our interactions with others? We can be the ones to cherish, appreciate, honour and celebrate our breath, touch and movement. We can learn how to attune our breath to the pulse of life itself, to the majesty of the natural intelligence, and to the wisdom of the elements. We can acknowledge the healing capacities of our touch and our body's ability to transmit warmth, share intimacy and be an agent of peace and calm. We can invite grace into our movements and harmony into our lives. Here and now we can be the antidotes, the medicine, the reminders and the presence of a different approach, a different way that is in service to the well-being of all. Here and now I welcome BODY LOVE to show itself through all forms and enrich and deepen our relationship with life.
Now is a great time to acknowledge the difference between taking a fear-based approach to health and safety and taking a love-based approach. Indicators that it's a fear-based approach are things like control, manipulation, domination/submission, constriction, vigilance, self-preservation, enemies, polarization (for vs against), rush to find the answers and solutions, and external authorities trying to steer things in the right direction. Indicators that it's a love-based approach is exploration, inquiry, and curiosity with a desire to listen, hear, learn, discover and grow. It's about expansion and learning more about what contributes to your health and safety and the well-being of all life. It's about support, unity, coming together, acknowledging what choices we have and what actions we can take. It's also about looking within and discovering ways to establish greater integrity, self-awareness, self-care, honor, trust, and appreciation for the gifts, talents and abilities that you have. It's also a great time to acknowledge the people in your life who can navigate this time with you.
The extraction model is based on the notion of what you put in to something is what you'll get out of it. When this model is subject to a mind based in manipulation and control, there will be attempted modifications such as seeing how much one can get out of something, without the need to put much into it. This can translate into financial transactions whereby one would see how little they could pay in exchange for something of great value. This can play into realities of accumulation and exploitation, such as focusing on acquiring as much as possible, with little work or effort, or seeing how much you can extract out of someone or something with little input at all. Many of us have been on the receiving end of this style of relating and have experienced the pain of it. It can lead to feel used, objectified, hurt and resentful. Before we become aware of new choices many of us end up living in resistance to this dynamic, essentially making the decision to not be like that which we were hurt by. This can lead to claiming that we don't want or need anything, or to offering things for free so as to not engage in the scenario of someone seeing how much they could get out of us based on what they pay or offer. Another thing we may do, is the opposite of whatever "they" did. So we may put in tremendous work or effort into something and not want or accept anything in return. There may be a subconscious desire to prove that we are nothing like that which we were manipulated or controlled by.
At some point the resistance to that reality becomes painful in and of itself and it's time to create true resolution. This comes through seeing and acknowledging what happened, perceiving and feeling the pain of it and expressing the desire to know and live what's beyond it. Becoming aware of new choices is when we recognize that we don't have to live on either side of the coin or in resistance to the coin itself. We can bring the field and frequency of love to this, which has the capacity to integrate opposites and reveal new possibilities. Essentially we can evolve the approach. Inherent in strategies involving manipulation and control is fear and separation. So as we bring the presence and attention of love to a polarized reality, the fear and separation underpinning the strategies dissolves. This provides the space for the strategies to reflect love and thus beget more love. This may lead to potentials like: what we offer is reflected back to us, or that which is gifted is received, or that which is available is circulated to benefit all involved. May we each come to know what is beyond the extraction model and heal and resolve any pain, hurt, and constriction that was endured when we were imprisoned inside of the confines of that experience. To explore more related to this subject matter you can read my blogs, Beyond Use & Need and Beyond Fear-Based Creation.
What can we each be and do to contribute to the creation of a world born of love, safety, support and integrity? So much is "up" in the personal, collective and planetary fields to bear witness to, as a reflection of the world we once inhabited that was based on fear and separation, orchestrated through strategies of domination, manipulation and control and founded upon the promise of rewards and success and the threat of punishment and failure. We have outgrown this world and are here to facilitate the transition or birth of a new one. It is already here, alive in each of us. May it be reflected in the collective and global fields of reality more and more as "time" goes on. Blessing the unfolding.
In polarity, or environments based in fear and separation, the set up is to strive to have a positive impact and be a positive influence and not have a negative impact or be a negative influence. If you are deemed to be a negative influence you are shamed, criticized, diminished or punished in some way. If you are deemed to be a positive influence or to have positively impacted someone's life you are rewarded, praised, exalted, or appreciated. This could be a straight forward thing if the assessments of what was positive and negative were consistent. What can lead to confusion is that the assessments are based on beliefs, family, cultural and societal influences.
Many of us carry the pain of being accused of being a negative influence in a situation when we felt like we were doing the right thing or being good. As a result, we carry imprints of shame and learned to doubt or dis-trust ourselves or others. This confusion can lead to a shutting down or avoidance of any situation that resembles the ones that caused us pain. One strategy of avoidance can be not wanting to have an influence or an impact at all. Another strategy would be to adopt control-based measures, so as to prevent us from being associated with anything negative. This could also lead to criticizing or condemning anyone else who is deemed to be a negative influence. However you are prompted to look at, think about, speak about or treat others, is how you were once treated.
So, once we become aware of the predicament we've been in what can we do? The main thing, is to acknowledge the way fear based environments are structured, see what has gone on, feel the residue of having lived in that scenario, and step into this field and frequency of love that is available now. We can create or live in a love-based field. To explore some potentials of what that is like, you can read my blogs Love Based Creation and Establishing Love Based Relationships. In the same light, we can come to know what it is like to be a love-based influence and have a love-based impact. It's an exploration that we can each initiate and dive into as we become aware that it is possible to do so. Imagine showing up to think, speak and act free of control-based motives. Feel into the liberation of not having to track, monitor or control what's happening and instead trust in the unfolding of life. Our actions can be initiated from this space of love and trust. I wonder what impact and influence we can have as we embody the truth of this.
In moments of stress or intensity there can be a tendency for our attention to become fixed or exclusive. The other thing that can happen is that our attention is drawn to what is positive or what is negative. We may also be prompted to pay attention to the biggest threat, or to that which is the makes us feel the most safe or secure. Various forces may vie for our attention. The invitation today is to ask the question: In times of stress or uncertainty what do I give the most attention to? What do I give the least attention to? I have a few blogs that dive into this subject matter. The first is called, Liberating Your Attention. As our attention is liberated it becomes more possible to develop "inclusive" attention, which means we are free of the necessity to control and our attention is fluid, available and progressively more and more informed by love. Another blog that expands on this possibility is called Love Based Attention. I wonder how much more mentally and emotionally free we can be to meet life here and now and offer who we are to whatever conditions or circumstances we find ourselves in.
The field of love contains the totality of what is life and death, pleasure and pain and joy and sadness. Our bodies, hearts and minds can be held, nourished, cared for and supported by this field of love. Suffering occurs when we are cut off from love and enter into a field of fear and separation. In this field life becomes positioned in opposition to death. Pain is set up as being a threat to pleasure, and sadness a threat to joy. One becomes the enemy to avoid, protect against, push away, reject and deny. We try to prevent death, pain and sadness and cling to life, pleasure and joy. Or, in modern day humanity we're conditioned to be on the side of life, pain and sadness and trained to keep away death, pleasure and joy. Pleasure, joy and death is a threat to what's considered to be most real, which is life, sadness and pain. It's okay to want or hope for pleasure and joy, but not to have it.
Here and now we have the choice to become reacquainted with the field of love. We can acknowledge that pleasure is not opposed to pain, life is not opposed to death and joy is not opposed to sadness. As this separation and polarization is un-done and clear seeing returns, we can become that which includes all of it. As our hearts, bodies and minds are liberated from suffering we become capable of embracing what we've been conditioned to not embrace, which is joy, pleasure and death. Death is as important to the well-being of our bodies as life. Every day cells die and new cells are made. The cells of our immune system engulf those cells that pose harm to the well-being of the body. The death of beliefs that cause harm to self or others can enrich life, and liberate our minds so we're no longer tortured and tormented by self-hate. In the field of love, pleasure is not objectified, it is fully embraced, seen, felt, sensed and known. In this field of love, Joy has the space and freedom to circulate, nourish, and bless all that is. As we are resourced, we can also accommodate for the reality of pain and sadness. It is not excluded or denied, just as pleasure and joy are not excluded or denied.
I welcome you to acknowledge the field and frequency of love, that contains the totality of what is. As the totality is contained within the embrace of the Self, fear and separation can be seen for what it is. It is a part of the human condition. It is here to be met within us and within the world. As it's met within us from this field and frequency of love it may spontaneously shift, change, transform, dissolve, or show up differently. A few days ago I re-posted a meditation I recorded over a year ago called, Meeting Fear from Love. It's quite stunning if you'd like to listen to it. I'll add it to the bottom of this blog. Here and now we can deepen our capacity to meet life, death, joy, sadness, pleasure and pain from Love. All can be met, seen, felt and included. And as the spaciousness of Being is known, joy and pleasure can be chosen, as a source of learning and growth. Just as sadness and pain is a source of learning and growth. As our perception of this field of love is strengthened, love can truly become the teacher, in and through all polarity. Is now the time?