As I named in my last blog, when we've experienced incoming or outgoing boundary violation without remedy or resolution we end up in a compromised posture or position. We lose sight of our integrity and either take on the posture of being wounded and withdrawn or aggressive. When we are in our natural state of integrity we have the capacity to assess or perceive what is, or register what we are thinking and feeling, and what's going on in the environment around us. When we're in a compromised state it is more and more difficult to do this so we end up having to rely on assumptions about ourselves, others, the environment and the world. The more wounded or aggressive, the more likely it is to deliver accusations based on assumptions. It's actually an attempt to collapse the will of the one being accused. It arises out of their own posture of having a collapsed will, or loss of integrity and feeling afraid of what would happen if they didn't deliver out the accusation. Most likely they would be found out, or seen as they are, or in their mind, vulnerable to attack. It's a defensive posture that ends up inciting the other into a similar posture if they aren't aware of what's happening.
Once we can see the dynamics at play, in terms of the relationship between assessment, assumptions and accusation, it can serve to encourage us to restoring our natural integrity, so that we are more available for life itself, and more capable of dismantling assumptions based on patterns of wounding, that bear less and less resemblance to truth. I recorded a video today exploring this a little more. Here it is if you'd like to watch it:
When we’ve experienced incoming or outgoing boundary violations we fall out of touch with our natural integrity. An incoming boundary violation is when something we don't want to have happen happens and we have no say or choice in the matter. An outgoing violation is when something we need or value that is readily available to us is all of a sudden withdrawn or taken away without notice or without our say in the matter. If there was no resolution to these experiences, if we were just left in a state of confusion, shock or disbelief with no support to understand what happened and process through the physiological, emotional and mental aspects of it, then we often end up finding a way to cope that reduces our quality of life. Two common postures we take on are either being withdrawn and wounded, shut down and unavailable or being aggressive and angry, forcing or pushing our perspectives or stance onto others.
I recorded a video today, which introduces this subject matter and briefly articulates what can happen if we don’t acknowledge that we’ve lost sight of our integrity and are in a position of being wounded or aggressive. Being oriented in our natural integrity makes it possible for us to have situational awareness, receive information from our environment moment by moment, and thus respond in ways that are in alignment with what’s actually happening. If you notice that your response patterns don't match what's happening in your current environment, or you're having a hard time assessing what's happening and how to respond it may be beneficial to take stock of whether you've lost sight of this natural way of being, or if it has never been given the chance to be fully established in you. As our natural way of being is re-established or as we are restored to natural functioning, it's amazing how much that can support us to be physiologically balanced, psychologically at ease, emotionally responsive to our current conditions and spiritually available to see our place in the greater context of life. If you would one on one support to restore your integrity and/or address any patterns of wounding or aggression please get in touch through my session page.
Here is the video if you'd like to watch it:
It can be easy to get caught in a freedom vs control paradigm. This is where freedom is at one end of the spectrum and control at the other. The more control, the less freedom and the more freedom the less control. According to this linear perception, too much freedom or too much control is dangerous. So the solution is to attempt to find the right balance between the two. What is beyond this polarity? What does control become when it is imbued with the field and frequency of love? What is true freedom? In an environment born of fear and separation, control is often imposed in a way that stifles life, growth, beauty, vitality, creativity and expression. Freedom is often exercised in a way that is potentially harmful, detrimental or dangerous to people who aren't on the same page with the one acting according to their perceived rights. In other words, it can merely be people acting with the notion that there should be no consequence of their actions, because they are deserving of and entitled to their "freedoms."
As love enters the picture, or as the field and frequency of love heals, dissolves and remedies the pain and torment of fear and separation what becomes possible? Control can be exalted into caring about our own and other's best interests. Freedom can be about truth, honour, expression of being, creative ingenuity and celebration of the best of who we are individually and collectively. It's no longer a me vs you or an us vs them dynamic. Perhaps we have a ways to go as a planet, yet how many of us can now reconcile and integrate this freedom vs control polarity within us and be the leaders of a different possibility for the world? In the Walking the Path episode with Kristin that we recorded yesterday, I touched on this freedom vs control dynamic. I'm sure I'll be writing and speaking about it more as it continues to be synthesized, transmuted, integrated and exalted within me. May we realize unity and live the joy of knowing and being love in action. For more on this theme of living beyond polarities you can read my blogs, Living Beyond Polarity, Beyond Success or Failure, and Beyond Strong or Weak.
Today I facilitated an online meditation with the theme of activating Energetic Aliveness. I recently created a new website that offers the possibility of having a unique meditation recorded specifically for you, to address what you have going on in your life. The meditations are designed to support the activation of your body's intelligence, heart's wisdom, clarity of mind, presence of being and love in action. They can then become personalized to assist with healing, activation of energetic gifts, relaxation of the nervous system, and inspiration. You can visit www.energeticaliveness.com to learn more. Here is the recording of the meditation. I wonder what can wake up and come alive in you as a contribution to the joy, beauty and richness of life and living!
The third option is a term that Teal Swan when you're in a situation where A or B are presented and neither of those are favorable, leading to the desire for a "third option", or a solution, strategy or approach that hasn't yet been thought of, considered, explored or included as a potential. We're in a time when may of us may be faced with circumstances or situations where there doesn't seem to be a good option. As the saying goes we're choosing between a rock and a hard place. Or another terms Teal uses is the lose-lose. She has a great video on youtube exploring that subject matter. It's worth looking up and watching, to gain helpful tips and tools on what to do when you find yourself in a lose-lose situation. I wanted to bring this topic up today, to serve as a reminder that something we may not have thought of or considered can come available. We don't have to remain stuck in an either-or paradigm. A good starting place, if faced with an A or B type decision, is to ask: Is there a third option here?
Another thing that can be adjusted in this moment, is the approach to deciding or choosing what we're going to do. Often we've favored mind-based approaches. The common mental models that are employed to help with decision making are: 1)The problem-solution model, 2) The broken-fixing model, 3) The wrong-correction model, 4) The wounded-healing model and 5) The question-answer model. These models first synthesized in my consciousness a few years ago when I wrote the blog Say Goodbye to Being Stuck, which you can click on the title of to access it. Last year I made a video exploring them deeper called, What to Do if You're Going Mental. I'll include it at the end of this blog.
What I wanted to emphasis now is that we can get caught inside of one of these mental frameworks, and exclude other modes of perception, or ways that can help us make decisions and become aware of third options, different strategies, or ingenious approaches to navigating difficult situations. These other modes of perception include your heart's wisdom, your body's intelligence, and what can come to mind as insights, epiphanies and inspirations from the broader intelligence of life, or the fabric of the unified field, or the web of consciousness. Now is a great time to get in touch with these other modes of perception, or ways of knowing, so that you don't have to rely solely on mental models or mind-based strategies to inform your choices. If you'd like support to activate these other ways of knowing you can get in touch with me through this website and we can do one-on-one mentoring sessions, or you can visit my new website www.energeticaliveness.com and I can record a meditation for you that's designed to do just that!
So, in these times when we're confronted with things that we don't agree with, or approaches to health and safety that seem to foster the opposite, or decisions where neither A or B feels right, we can get in touch with these other modes of perception and await new possibilities that emerge or different strategies that arise that honor collective agreements while maintaining personal integrity. I wonder what can become known and available to us now, and what can present to us in our lives as potentials, possibilities and actions that remind us of the beauty, grace, majesty and richness of life and support us to feel at home in existence. Here is the video about the mental models that also names and brings attention to these other modes of perception:
If we spent time in environments where only what we did was valued, acknowledged or appreciated often there comes a time when our being or “who we are” comes out of the wood work and says, what about me? In other words, a part of us feels unseen, unacknowledged, unappreciated and excluded. If this sentiment is strong enough in someone a flip can occur, something along the lines of a claim that “It doesn’t matter what you do, it’s who you are that counts.” There’s this sense that doing or action doesn’t matter and the focus, attention, appreciation and acknowledgment goes to being, or to recognizing qualities of the self. In the short term this may feel good, like relief. Qualities in the person, the presence of the person or what is radiated from someone is finally seen and acknowledged. Eventually though, if doing has been excluded, devalued, depreciated, and made to not matter, there will be an uprising. It may show up as the thought, “I want to do something, participate, offer skills, make a difference, move something forward and contribute.” However, if doing has been diminished, even though the want is there, few opportunities or invitations will present themselves. Or the ones that present may be what you don’t want to do, or things that have little value, meaning or importance to you. Do you see how this works?
What often happens is that being and doing are positioned as though they are in a competition for attention and appreciation. Either what you do matters (winner) and who you are or your inner world doesn’t matter (loser), or who you are matters (winner) and what you do doesn’t matter (loser). Eventually, once we see this dynamic we can introduce the possibility that being AND doing can be included, valued, acknowledged, appreciated and given attention. Being can support action or what we do, and what we do can display who we are, or facilitate who we are being shared with others. Often after sessions with clients I write up some notes to review what we explored together. Here is an excerpt from the notes that speaks to a few other things regarding being and doing that I find relevant to include here:
“Inviting the progression towards acknowledging the value of being and doing: We've come from a society where doing, action, contributing to society and being a good person is valued and valuable, whereas from that perspective "not doing anything" or "just being" seems without value or purpose or meaning. As we question that societal perspective and have direct experiences of "Being"...the qualities of presence, breath, relaxation, having an expanded field of attention etc. we come to know how valuable it truly is, both to our own health and well-being and also to the quality of our relationships, and our outlook on life. It also helps us to see possibilities for what we can do, that we may otherwise not see. You can continue to contemplate the question of: How can being and doing come together? And see what insights arise.
As children we often don't get the mirroring of our states of being, where we're at, how we're doing, or what's going on for us in real time. Not having any attention on that gives us the impression that it doesn't matter, or isn't overly relevant. Once we see the assumptions we made based on that experience we can have a new choice, to include those things as relevant and important. We can thus make the choice to include giving attention to our states of being, where we're at, how we're doing and what's going on for us as well as what we're doing, the actions we're taking, the accomplishments of the day etc.”
So, where are you at regarding being and doing? Are they both valued, seen, acknowledged and appreciated? If not, you can note where you’re at, which is your starting point, and move in the direction of offering attention to both and seeing how they can come together. If you would like one-on-one support to address the dynamic you have going on regarding being and doing I’d be happy to help. Visit my session page or home page to get in touch and request a free 20 minute consultation.
Involution is a word that Richard Rudd uses in the book called the Gene Keys. It describes the process where the higher frequencies within your DNA are activated through the agency of Grace. Evolution is about the longing for love or light or that which is higher, and involution is the response to that, or the process whereby these higher frequencies descend or marry what is here. To quote directly from the book, "Just as there is an evolutionary force pushing upwards within all matter, so there is an involutionary force working its way down from the realms of spirit towards the material plane." Or another expression of this that he brings forward is: "Evolution represents the force within matter that always strives upwards towards spirit, as opposed to involution, its counter-force, which is the essence of spirit descending or embedding itself within the form."
Yesterday I recorded a Walking the Path episode with my friend Kristin and briefly, near the end, touched on the topic of involution. I wanted to name it in this blog as a reminder that other perspectives are available. When things get heavy or tough or dense or limited, and we've placed the responsibility on ourselves to find a way to raise our vibration, become more loving or evolve ourselves it can feel like a lot of work with not much environmental support to do so. This other perspective of inviting the currents of involution to touch your life, or inviting these higher frequencies to support you to transmute the shadows and embody your gifts can be a welcomed reprieve! When I work one-on-one with people, these frequencies often show up to ease the process of change, healing and personal growth. It is truly miraculous what's possible when we come together! If you would like to explore the possibility of doing session work together over the phone or Zoom please get in touch with me through my contact form at the bottom of the session page. And, if you'd like to watch the Walking the Path episode here it is:
Often pleasure and pain are seen on a continuum, as though when you are moving towards pain you are moving away from pleasure. Joy and sadness is treated similarly, in the sense that joy is on one side of the continuum and sadness on the other. What if it doesn't have to be this way? Joy and pleasure and the frequencies of being can actually support the body to transmute pain, grief, sadness and other internalized forms of suffering. Our bodies can access this bio-electric current, or energetic aliveness that is often suppressed when the mind is protecting our emotional nature from further wounding. Instead of the wounding being held in place by the mind, it can be met with healing energies and this Shakti or bio-electric current can come alive. Is it time? Is this something that interests you? If so, please get in touch through my session page. I recorded a brief video today to talk more about this phenomenon.
Many of us are ready to step beyond the world of either/or. We're no longer desiring to be one thing or another, or be stuck or caught in one role or another. I'm speaking specifically to potentials for friendships and intimate relationships. True reciprocity is about loving AND being loved, caring for AND being cared for, supporting AND being supported. As we step into this space, there is room for contribution to become known, which is about the simultaneity of gifting and receiving. This choice to be and receive supports the circulation of energy, the lightness of being, and the joy of interacting in the interpersonal field. How much more can we step into this space of true reciprocity now? I recorded a brief meditation as an invitation become more aware of this possibility and attuned to the presence of it. You're welcome to listen in.
What would be a healing experience for you? A few possibilities are: being able to be or do something for yourself that you were previously unable to be or do, being or doing something with someone that was previously unavailable or inaccessible, or being or doing something for someone or having something done for you that you haven't yet been able to offer or receive. In cultures that are more individualistic in nature there is often a lot of pressure or praise for what we can do by ourselves or for ourselves. Having help can be associated with failing or being incapable or being incompetent. This mindset would lead to a lot of emphasis on loving yourself, providing for yourself and being independent. Those things would be associated with success. Wounding would usually show up in the form of feeling not good enough, undeserving or unworthy of loving yourself, providing for yourself and being independent. In other words something is missing or something is wrong with you if you can't do that. For someone who carries values such as these, imagine how receptive he or she would be to having someone else provide for them and love them. Imagine how they would feel about being dependent on others.
In cultures that are more collectivist in nature it would be more about the group, belonging and fitting in, being helpful, sacrificing yourself for the well-being of the collective, not being selfish or self-centered, and making others proud by your accomplishments and achievements. The emphasis would be on thinking about others and doing things to benefit others or prove, show or demonstrate to them that you care more about them then yourself. Wounding may show up in the form of being shamed for not doing the right thing, or shunned if you don't comply, or being cast out if you don't share the values or beliefs of the group, or being accused of being selfish and not caring enough or doing enough for other people.
Did you grow up in an environment that was more individualistic or collectivist in nature? For many of us we grew up with influences from both, and for many of us our healing path is going beyond the either/or into the inclusion of elements that are in our best interest to include. In this case, it is about the individual AND the collective. It is about self-love AND loving and being loved by others. It's about providing certain things for ourselves, providing certain things for others and having certain things provided for us. It's about being dependent on certain people, places and things AND self-reliant, autonomous and independent in other respects. In terms of welcoming healing experiences, we can invite that which is in our best interests to have done for us, what's in our best interests to be or do for ourselves and what's in our best interests to do with or for other people.
Imagine what it would be like to step beyond individualistic or collectivist, beyond the individual or the collective. If we don't acknowledge these different influences on our values, beliefs, perspectives and approach, we may prevent ourselves from inviting and moving towards the healing experiences that would enrich, inspire and support us and others. Here are some questions that you can contemplate, that may help you to get in touch with potential healing experiences:
Now is time when many of us are being called to develop inclusive attention, which goes beyond the either/or. This allows us to attend to our best interests as a unique, autonomous individual AND as a part of the collective well-being. This ultimately allows us to build a life in and through the field and frequency of love. A few blogs that explore these subjects, that you can link to when you click on the titles are: Building Your Life, Inclusive Attention and Living Beyond Polarity. In my session work I offer healing experiences such as: having aspects of yourself witnessed that other people haven't been able to see, resolving inner confusion by giving voice to conflicting perspectives that live within you, offering presence and care to aspects of you that you or others have judged and rejected, helping you to get in touch with your authentic voice, your true needs, wants and desires and your gifts, talents and abilities that your heart wants to offer in the world and more. If you sense that our work together can benefit you and your life please get in touch through the session page.
Christine helps people to approach life with greater care, love & wisdom. offering presence and a unique quality of attention she can assist people to play an active role in their mental, emotional and physical health no matter what is going on. With all of the different tools and methods she has access to, she inspires, encourages and supports people to really love and honour themselves, and thus be more able to love and honour others. Through her patience, kindness and astute awareness of the body, mind and heart she accelerates people's self-healing journeys and makes the inner and outer world a whole lot easier to navigate!